Bridget Trump’s Diary: I went to the Women’s March and it was v overrated. Sad!

Bridget Trump's Diary: I went to the Women's March and it was v overrated. Sad!

Bridget Trump's Diary: I Went To The Women's March And It Was V Overrated. Sad!

Bridget Trump's Diary: I Went To The Women's March And It Was V Overrated. Sad!

Image: Getty Images/ UNIVERSAL/ MASHABLE COMPOSITE

Note from the Editor: You’ve no doubt already heard about the political charade Bridget Trump? The love child of Donald Trump and Bridget Jones has been building people giggle with her charade Twitter account filled with pithy statements that are remarkably similar to some industrialist turned POTUS .

The brainchild of British comic Tiff Stevenson, Bridget Trump, is plainly very, very busy and very, very important. Bridget Trump took a infringe from tweeting to attend the inauguration and the Women’s March over the weekend. Miraculously, she also managed to squeeze in a diary entry. Here’s how it ran :

Bridget Trump’s Diary, London, Saturday 21 st January 2017

Calories 4,000( post inauguration )

Times I avoided eye contact with Nigel Farage last night 67

09.00 AM

I woke up feeling great about yesterday’s inauguration, although I can’t believe that Hillary depicted up and wore white on MY BIG DAY. Also Kellyanne( best friend) turned up looks a lot like she was about to lead the marching band. I believe the vile media has sent her quite mad. By the time Pence was sworn in I was utterly ravished( not in a good way) as all I had feed was half a packet of wheat crunchies.

Pence was sworn in …. must be what it feels like to be a bridesmaid. The choir were as AWFUL as those carol vocalists that show up yearly at mum and dads …. was sorely seduced to tell them to bugger off! However I preserved a cool, dignified stance.

FINALLY I was sworn in. I was v nervous about it. Lots of business-y words like SOLEMNLY; CONSTITUTION. I* suppose* the latter is about regular bowel movement….So now am no longer saddo PEOTUS but fully fledged independent POTUS !!! In charge of myself AND the nuclear codes. I Bridget Trump was feeling good

However…..It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts running okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces.Found out this morning via the vile media that some females are marching to protest my new top job. Well … apparently they are also marching against the oppression of women worldwide blah blah … but I chose to ignore that.

My first reply was to call my friend Piers in inundations of tears. He said he would tell those nasty women what for and arrange a marching for men. What about men’s rights? Why won’t person think of them? I think of them the working day long because they are dreamy. Hmmmmm.

Now, after sex, the best kind of exert is walking! Walking is tremendous! On good day I like to stride across Westminster Bridge or up 5th avenue. Feel the wind in my hair( it’s definitely MY hair) and shake off the rust.

11. 45 AM

I decided to sneak in to the march if only to burn calories. Not because I care about what any of these awful people think. The plan was to remove at least 2 inches from thigh circumference.Upon arriving at the marching, I was shocked to insure placards mocking my hair, my skin toneand my absence of political experience.

Feel very blue about the whole thing. There were so many people there. But not more than the inauguration and certainly not more than the TV viewing figures of the inauguration !!! I don’t want that FAKE NEWS get out there.

All kinds over OVERRATED girls were there. Stand-up comedians like Sandi Toksvig, Tiff Stevenson, Sara Pascoe; Sarah Kendall. These girls tell jokes for a living why don’t they concentrate on real thing like Miss Universe competitors? Ugh.

Very RUDE actresses like Sharon Horgan, Amanda Abingdonand Rebecca Hall. Nasty women indeed. Female legislators like Yvette Cooper; Stella Creasy. Ugh Even some humen, I spotted Peter Capaldi, John C Reilly, Ian McKellen, Sadiq Khan and the worst by far …. the writer of that left wing hit task musical Lin Manuel Miranda himself.

Why? Oh why does everyone dislike me? I’m destined to die alone and will find information three weeks later half eaten by Alsatians. They should all apologise immediately !!!!!

At one point I couldn’t walk anymore so someone carried me. There went my weight loss scheme!

I’m 1,000% certain that 1,000, 000% of people on that march believe I am national laughing stock with a bottom the size of Brazil.

Miles walked 1.5

Pussies grabbed 0( v riling ) Calories devoured 800( 4 packets of M& M’s )

Amount of people there who I could consider a special relationship with 0

Tiff Stevenson( a.k.a. Bridget Trump) is on tour from now until May 5, including two proves at Londons Bloomsbury Theatre on Feb. 24 and 25. More datum: http :// tiffstevenson.co.uk

BONUS: Yes, Trump watched the Women’s Marches, and yes, he tweeted about it

Read more:

Bridget Trump's Diary: I Went To The Women's March And It Was V Overrated. Sad!
Bridget Trump's Diary: I Went To The Women's March And It Was V Overrated. Sad!
Bridget Trump's Diary: I Went To The Women's March And It Was V Overrated. Sad!
Bridget Trump's Diary: I Went To The Women's March And It Was V Overrated. Sad!
Bridget Trump's Diary: I Went To The Women's March And It Was V Overrated. Sad!

Bridget Trump's Diary: I Went To The Women's March And It Was V Overrated. Sad!

Bridget Trump's Diary: I Went To The Women's March And It Was V Overrated. Sad!

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