You can study the medical side of it all you want. You can learn about all the different levels of intensity, the symptoms, the health risks causes and the side effects. You can read up on the statistics and all the different diets and the treatments and the surgeries.

But they don’t care about that. The person you love doesn’t care if you understand the distinction between active disease in the colon or active disease in the large bowel. They don’t care if you know exactly where they have inflammation and which medication does what for their body. They have these discussions enough with their doctors, nurses, pharmacists, pathologists, and hey, sometimes even therapists.

What they want from you is the kind of support that is more precious than steroids, infusions, surgeries, or pills will ever be: they just want you to remind them that they’re still normal, that they still have control, and that they’re not alone in this.

Crohn’s is a very isolating illnes. For the most part, it’s an invisible illness, but it feels anything but. Sometimes there is rapid weight loss( or gain ), swell, scarring, colostomy containers or other results from surgeries, and general physical signs of exhaustion. But other than that, you could pass almost anyone on the street and have no idea what’s happening to them internally. And Crohn’s isn’t the type of disease that anyone is eager to talk about. No one wants to explain to coworkers or friends or relatives what exactly being “sick” or” having a bad Crohn’s day” entails. There’s a sense of shame, an embarrassment, an awkwardness. An aversion to talking about any of this, after always having to answer so many probing questions from medical professionals. So for the most part, we tend to keep all of this stuff to ourselves.

That’s where you come in.

You don’t need to cure their stomach aches, their digestion problems, their joint pain, their anxiety, whatever. You don’t even is important to understand exactly what they’re going through( candidly, “youve never” fully will ). All you need to do is construct them smile, build them laugh, construct them feel like this is just something that they go through rather than something that the objective is. They don’t need any reassurance that” everything happens for a reason .” Sometimes they just need someone to hear them, someone to listen to them while they ventilate about all the frustrating parts of this, without trying to give advice or solve anything. They merely need a connection, a warm hand, a comforting voice whispering reassuring things, like tomorrow will be better . No medical questions , no required to be rate your pain on a scale of 1 to 10. Just the familiar, heartening smile and appear of someone they trust.

The moments in which you’re helping them won’t always be tender and sweet. Sometimes they’ll lash out, project their anger onto you, blow a fuse, temporarily lose their mood. You do not have to let this slide. In fact, calling them out on it, and refusing to let them get away with something merely because they’re “sick” will only induce them feel stronger and more normal in the long run. What they need to know, what they need to see, is that you love them, and you’re there for them, and you’ll support them in any way that you are able to. But they also need to see that you have faith in them, that you don’t pity them, that you don’t see them as fragile. That you’ll call them out the same way you’d call out any other regular person.

They already have a doctor, they already have a nurse, they know where to find just about any medical professional they need. What they need from you is to just be you, and to stimulate them feel like them. Love them tenderly, hold their hand encouragingly, but look at them as if they’re the most invincible person in the world. It will work more wonders than you know.