I Haven't Had Sex With My Spouse For Six Years After She Dismissed My Advice On Weight Loss

I tried to assist with her post-pregnancy weight loss, but when that didnt work, I avoided intercourse. Ive since tried to get back to normal, but she runs away from me

I Haven't Had Sex With My Spouse For Six Years After She Dismissed My Advice On Weight Loss I havent had sex with my spouse since my youngest daughters birth six years ago. This is due, in part, to me. After the birth, I tried assisting my spouse with her weight-loss endeavors, but she ignored my advice. I got fed up and avoided intercourse. I realise that my approach was not a good one and I have been making efforts for the past two years to go back to normal, but she is always running away .

You will have to be patient. It takes time to regain trust and overcome the pain of rejection. Your spouse is pushing you away as a self-protective measure. She is still hurt by your punishing approach and needs substantial reassurance that it will never happen again. She also needs reassurance that you truly appreciate her, including her physical appearance.

You have learned that sex should never be used as a weapon. Your best option is to sit down and talk to your spouse. Apologise sincerely, and ask what you can do to gain her trust. Ask her to express her own feelings about being physically close to you, and listen very carefully without interruption, defensiveness or turning blame back on her. She needs to feel safe with you again or she will never be comfortable with intimacy. Without proper conflict-resolution, relationships degenerate into unhealthy patterns of avoidance, passive-aggression, escape, impasse, or a cold war none of which can coexist with healthy lovemaking.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist specialising in sexual disorders . If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives @theguardian. com ( please dont send attachments ). Each week, Pamela selects one problem to answer, which will be published online and in publish. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence .

I haven’t had sex with my spouse for six years after she dismissed my advice on weight loss

I Haven't Had Sex With My Spouse For Six Years After She Dismissed My Advice On Weight Loss

I Haven't Had Sex With My Spouse For Six Years After She Dismissed My Advice On Weight Loss

I Haven't Had Sex With My Spouse For Six Years After She Dismissed My Advice On Weight Loss

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