I Went Dairy-Free Like Khlo Kardashian And This Is What Went Down
As some of you may have noticed, Ive been very much about fad diets lately. I did my own tea cleanse thatended in calamity, dehydration and a burning assh* le.
But that didnot deter me.So here I am, back again with another wild endeavor. This time, I’m running a healthier road. I promise.
Im not overweight, but I have trouble preserving my weight. I gain it very easily and can never seem to lose enough.Recently, Khlo Kardashian admitted in an interview that the reason her body has been looking so fierce lately is because she gave up dairy. “Shes lost” 11 pounds in a month only by not having milk products! It sounds so simple, right?
What Saint Khlo says goes. I would trust her with my life. So, I, too, am going dairy-free.
According to Diet Doctor( this website may not be an actual doctor ), cutting down on dairy is essential to losing weight when youve plateaued. Dairy was likely to be the culprit behind your slowing weight loss 😛 TAGEND
Dairy products all contain a varying quantity of lactose( the milk sugar ), which slows down weight loss. Whats more, part of the protein in milk makes an insulin response, who are capable of have the same effect.
Unfortunately, I have an intense addiction to cheese, chocolate and essentially anything with dairy in it. Im already gluten-free, a side effect of being a basic white girl, so cheese has always been a kind of consolation food for me.
But as the old saying goes, Why have cheese when you can, instead, be sad? Come with me, little ones, on my journey down a cheese-less, chocolate-devoid existence as I attempt to lose weight and to get only a little bit closer to the goddess Khlo.
Disclaimer: I want to lose weight for my own personal reasons but in no way do I feel that anyone elseneeds to lose weight, and also probably no one should imitate me ever .
Week One, Day One
Step one was eliminating the delicious half-and-half I put in my coffee each morning. Goodbye, sweet angelic cream.
Bae and I spent about 500 hours in the dairy segment of our bargain grocery store looking for almond milk.Every day I picked up a carton and readthe ingredients, I would say to anyone who could hear( sorry, Mike ): What the f* ck is this? Because all the f* cking almond milk was full of bullsh* t sugar. You think you’re being healthy when you drink this? Well, you’re not.
So when we finally found one that said~ unsweetened ~, I felt satisfied.
The milk was actually quite palatable. It tasted just like two percent milk, even thoughit mademy coffee look like Porta-Potty water on the third day of Coachella.
The stuff we get at Elite Daily is mad sweet and gross, so I was agreeably astonished that giving up my half-and-half for my coffee wasn’t hell on earth.
The cheese cravings, though. I was justwaiting for them to begin. You can take the girl out of the mozzarella, but you can’t take the mozzarella out of the girl, ya dig?
Bae and I went out to dinner and rapidly realized that f* cking everything has dairy. I could not have the appetizer I wanted, because asiago is a cheese.
I asked our server if the asiago-crusted crostinis were dairy-free, and she looked at me like I was a crackhead who had wandered off the street. SoI went with the steak.
This restaurant is one of my favourites. They have this dangerously good apple pie la mode. I feltsuper blessed to not be able to have it.
Saint Khlo, you better be right about this, because I only expended $106 on a dinner without having apple tart la mode.
During lunchtime, I had a hard time deciding on salad because I go to a place where I get five toppings for $10. I have my go-to salad: chicken, tomatoes, avocado, almonds and mozzarella.
I couldn’t have moz because of this dairy-free bullsh* t, so I spent my entire time in line trying to figure out what to get. Inducing a salad is an art. It’s as delicate as navigating foreign policy.I couldn’t simply replace the moz. I had to completely rethink my choices.
On top of that, I couldn’t get my favorite chipotle dressing because it’s cream-based( I know, I know, it’s a salad, and that isn’t exactly a healthy dres. Do you consider why I’m dairy-free now ?)
In the end, I objective up doing OK for myself. I went with chicken, egg, avocado, chickpeas and roasted red peppers topped with olive oil and balsamic vinegar.
I was amazed at how light I felt after. I was full, but not weighed down. I felt like I was still functioning at top performance levels , not at all falling subject to that dreaded midday food coma.
I decided to be a masochist and started Googling pictures of cheese.
I only had to look at them. I needed to remind myself of what I couldnt have. I’d beenmaking a lot of vegetable. I was get really sick of f* cking vegetables.
After two and a half weeks of dairy-free life, my abs weremore defined. I feltlike the intense ab workouts I’d been doing six times a week werefinally presenting. I sawthe line down the middle of my belly becoming more defined. It really was encouraging.
It might have been because I wascutting down on extra calories overall, but I really started to believe theyhype the working day. Milk definitely slows down weight loss.
Cream, cream, beautiful delicious creamy cream.
At this point, I missed the cream in my coffee more than I’d like to admit. Drinking it black was OK, but I didn’t exactly like it.
Almond milk was stillnot readily available, and when it was, it wasthe sugary kind. I certainly didn’ttrust the curmudgeons at Starbucks to keep sugar out of their coconut milk. So black wasessentially the only style to go.
I really wanted chocolate. Like so badly. The kind of chocolate cravings you only get when you’re on day three of your period and that sh* t is raging.
For the last three weeks, I’d been vacillating between moments of clarity and complete dairy desperation.
What wasin the fridge at work this morning but UNSWEETENED ALMOND MILK? I literally jumped for joy when I watched it.I induced my coffee. I was so excited to have it.
But alas, it was so unsatisfactory. It wasn’t creamy enough. It induced me sad.
Last night, I had my first sexuality dreamabout cheese. Mozzarella, to be exact. I was thinking about hot, dripping melting moz on fresh cut tomatoes only oozing into my mouth. I’m get wet just thinking about it now. Oh cheese, I miss you so.
My brother and I were having a dialogue in my room later that night. He was talking about “Downton Abbey, ” but all I could think about was cheddar cheese cubes. Fresh and sharp. On toothpicks. Waiting to be devoured.
During the final seven days of my perilous, cheese-less, chocolate-deprived diet, I was actually feeling great.My clothes were looser, my abs were more defined, and I was eventually used to almond milk. I was even enjoyingit.
Unfortunately, forgoing my cheese addiction led to my developing another addiction to compensate. It arrived on during week three, but I didnt recognize it was a problem until later.
I became hopelessly preoccupied with Amazon.
Over this last weekend, I expended $500 on bullsh* t I did not require, and payday was still 12 days away.
Why did I require three new crop tops, two leotards, a blender, headphones, a fanny pack( I dont would like to speak about it, OK ?), three berets in various colourings and a bunch of bralettes that wouldnt even fit over my D-cup titties? I dont know, but I did. I bought it all.
When all was said and done, I lost five pounds over the four weeks I went dairy free. Khlo definitely did not lead me astray. While losing a few extra pounds was great, it was hard AF.
I ate my weight in ice cream as soon as I observed a spoonful. Yes, I bought ice cream to have for breakfast after I was finished killing myself, OK? Dont you judge me. Dont you DARE.
I plan to stay away from cheese and milk as much as possible in the future, but cutting dairy out entirely for the rest of my life just sounds like a miserable style to live. Devote me ice cream or gives people death.
Week One, Day Two
Week One, Day Six
Week Two, Day One
Week Two, Day Four
Week Three, Day One
Week Three, Day Four
Week Three, Day Five
Week Four
Conclusions
I Went Dairy-Free Like Khlo Kardashian And This Is What Went Down
I Went Dairy-Free Like Khlo Kardashian And This Is What Went Down
I Went Dairy-Free Like Khlo Kardashian And This Is What Went Down
I Went Dairy-Free Like Khlo Kardashian And This Is What Went Down
I Went Dairy-Free Like Khlo Kardashian And This Is What Went Down