F* ck Your Diet: I Used To Be A Food Addict, Here’s How I Healed Part 4 | Betches

Annnnnd we’re back for the fourth and final installment of F* ck Your Diet. This series is for you if you identify as a food addict, a binge eater, someone who feels stress over what you eat, or if you’re constantly trying to lose weight and going from diet to diet. Here is my disclaimer: if you feel happy and content with your relationship to food and weight, you have my full blessing to keep doing whatever you’re do. I’m not trying to napalm the part of your life that stimulates you feel good. If you like your diet, simply don’t f* ck your diet. That’s my general rule of thumb: If you’re happy, I’m not trying to get you to do anything. But! If you feel like something is off in the way you relate to food, this is definitely for you.

I spent the first three installments explaining how food deprivation and restriction actually cause and/ or perpetuate food fixation and many experiences of food addiction. I also explain how I went from a food-obsessed childhood binge-eater, to teenage chronic yo-yo dieter, to a weight-obsessed faux-intuitive eater. Dieting was my religion and sugar was the demon I was trying to purify myself from . And strangely, it all became a self-fulfilling prophecy, because the more I limited food and sugar, the more and more out of control and “addicted to it” I felt when I unavoidably “slipped up” and drove to CVS at 11 pm in my parents’ car to buy sugar-free protein bars that I pretended were candy bars. But still, if you haven’t read the first three installments, I recommend you go ahead and do that, because you may not understand what the hell I’m talking about in this installment if you don’t. Part 1. Part 2. And, Part 3.

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what if i did eat the whole thing at 4 am anyway? | @the_amanda_gail

A post shared by diet starts tomorrow (@ dietstartstomorrow) on Aug 31, 2019 at 6:34 am PDT

It was almost eight years ago now that I woke up from my decade-long diet hell. Which entails I’ve been feeing whatever I want for eight years. And even though in the beginning I was very hungry and spent a few months eating a lot and building up for lost hour, I didn’t actually end up spinning into years of chaos like we all worry we will if we stop dieting. The chaos is temporary. The extreme hunger is temporary. I didn’t eat the whole world. And today, even though I have zero( ZERO !) rules around food, I do not eat a steady diet of donuts and McDonald’s and Snickers, because … I don’t want to( anymore ). In fact, at this phase, I probably eat “ better” than I ever did on a diet, because I can actually hear what the hell my body is asking for, and the drama around food is gone.

So, what I’d like to do in this last piece in this series, is address some common fears that come up when people consider” F* cking Their Diet” or” Being on The F* ck It Diet”( which is actually what my site, Instagram, and volume are named) or are even simply flirting with the idea of not dieting.

“Anytime I try to stop dieting, I feed route more than anyone should.”

You are not alone! In fact, this is one of the big reasons that most people are convinced they can’t give up dieting. But, eating a lot of food is actually a really normal response to dieting or restricting food. We think it’s our bodies proving to us they’re transgress or food addicted, but actually it’s just survival. It’s just the body trying to make up for a famine scare.

We also tend to think that we should be eating way less food than we actually need. Did you know that in the 1940 s, there was an experiment where men were put on a semi-starvation diet of 1,600 -1, 800 calories a day for six months, and it made them highly emaciated and obsessed with food, and it attained lots of them anxious and depressed, and normal sums of food didn’t help them to recover at all? Instead it took them 5, 000 -1 1,000 calories a day for months to rehabilitate their bodies and their minds? Yeah. That happened.

So if that’s any clue, 1,600 -1, 800 calories is something lots of people think they should be striving for. Also, 1,200 -1, 400 calories is how much they recommend you feed your 2-year-old, so, you need a lot more, ok? No wonder we all feel so out of control with food. Most of us don’t even realize we are constantly trying to under-eat, and then we beat ourselves up for eating more than our too-low daily calorie sums, and then we force ourselves to repent the next day by eating even less. What do you think that’s doing to our bodies and relationship with food ?! We merely need to f* cking eat consistently, and stop putting ourselves on cleanses, ok ??!

“I candidly can’t trust my body or cravings, all I want to eat is cake and cookies and pizza. I’m positive that is all I would eat”

Craving merely high-calorie dessert and “junk food” is also a really normal response to dieting.( And I promise it is just a stage before your cravings diversify and calm down .) If your body has been getting intermittent access to calories( like going back and forth dieting and binging and dieting again ), or you’ve been trying to eat less food than your body wants for a few months( or a few years ), you’re going to crave the densest food that you can find, because that will counteract the nation you’re in the fastest . That’s why we crave cake and cookies and pizza and candy and grilled cheese and everything we think we shouldn’t have. Your body merely wants dense and easy-to-assimilate calories for a while, because that is what will get your body out of a low-metabolic state the fastest, and back to a normal and more easy relationship with food, with more normal cravings.

The other thing is that when we make any food off-limits, that food is going to have wayyyy more allure psychologically than if you were allowed to eat it.( I used to misinterpret this and think: Ok, if I permit brownies then I won’t WANT brownies. And then I’d be mad at myself that I still wanted brownies. But you can’t play that contradiction! You have to actually allow yourself to eat the brownies !)

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the BIP MVP @pethderek

A post shared by Caroline Dooner (@ thefuckitdiet) on Sep 21, 2019 at 6:41 am PDT

“I have to diet! I’m an emotional eater! ”

Dieting and limited can actually stimulate emotional eating worse. I know, what? First of all, many of us actually use dieting as a way to try and distract from our feelings, too. Not only does it bringing the promise of beauty, glowing health, and praise, but it also dedicates us a high on stress hormones. But at the same time, the more we diet, the more chemically rewarding food and feeing becomes, and the more food can give us a “high”. So , not only is dieting its own version of avoiding our feelings, but in a way, it actually constructs eating a more effective “drug”. And often, people go back and forth between the two “addictions” in a never-ending yo-yo. In order to build food a less effective drug, we need to stop dieting and limiting. Another contradiction, I know.

Having other coping mechanisms and emotional support is definitely an important piece of the emotional eating puzzle. I’m not saying that ice cream should be your therapist. But, simply beware that going on a diet to heal emotional eating is like trying to put out a brush fire by blowing on it.

“I have to diet! When I don’t diet, I gain weight! ”

Ahhhh, yes. Weight gain and cultural fatphobia. This is no small topic. It’s actually at the heart of this whole thing. It’s a core reason why we are all dieting in the first place. And it’s also a subject that attains the villagers take up arms like they’re in their very own mob led by Gaston, and they storm into the comments to rage about the obesity epidemic. Because people feel very, very strongly about weight gain and health, and want to concern troll allll over the health of people they don’t know.

First of all, gaining weight after dieting is also another normal phenomenon. That’s what the body does. It loses some weight at the beginning of dieting, and then it insists you set it back on. It will literally slow down your metabolism and raise your thirst hormones in order to force you to gain back weight. It’s normal. It’s also survival. And we assume it’s the worst thing that could ever happen to us, but our bodies are doing it on purpose. We evolved this style, and it’s actually protective against withering away. Because , no matter what our culture tells us, becoming a nation of teeny tiny little string bean people isn’t actually what attains our bodies feel safest. Having a super low body fat percentage isn’t good for us and can wreak havoc on our hormones.

But we live in a very thin-obsessed and fatphobic society. We simply do. And the thing that attains it so hard to even begin to have a conversation about not dieting is that there is a lot of moralizing over health that helps to justify people’s judgement over weight and the style people eat. People feel very strongly about weight and weight loss. Just go to the comments of these articles, you’ll find. But what that means is that being afraid to gain weight, even a little, even weight that your body definitely needs and wants to gain, is understandable. We constantly see how much better people are treated when they are smaller or fitter or leaner, and how much judgment( and concern) comes along with gaining weight. We are praised nonstop when we lose weight. We assume that weight loss is always healthy and impressive, when, hey, lots of people are losing weight because of eating disorders, illness, anxiety, etc. Weight loss is not always healthy, and on the flip side, weight gain is not always unhealthy. But we live in a society where preoccupying over food and weight, and developing ailment eating habits, are praised, and even fostered, and that make-ups it really hard to tell if what we are doing is healthy or if it’s going too far.

“So you’re saying that I simply have to accept my body as it is ?! What are you? A ogre trying to destroy the American people from the inside out ?? HOW is that healthy ?!?! ”

One of the things that really shook me and woke me up out of my diet and weight loss obsession was learning that what I believed about weight and health was based on misinformation and cultural bias. Because I cared about health. I still do, actually! Believe it or not!

We think we can fully blamed people for their weight, and assume that they just aren’t trying hard enough. But, I entail, you’ve heard, right? Dieting backfires. This has been relatively mainstream public health info since 1992. But … we have a hard time hearing it. There is a cognitive dissonance. I used to hear that “diets don’t work” and think, “No no no noo, those scientists clearly aren’t studying the right diet.” But genuinely, weight loss diets backfire long-term. It’s not because we are lazy, it’s in our biological blueprint. Initial weight loss on a diet happens all the time, but our bodies will eventually adjust to try and get our weight back into a range where it feels safe. And the idea that we just need to keep eating less and less and less to try and keep up with our body fighting back is not healthy. That’s not health! That’s focusing on weight at the expense of health.

Get this: a two-year study was done with two different groups of women categorized with an obese BMI, and the group that didn’t diet or focus on weight loss, but instead attained subtle healthy lifestyle changes–joyful movement that they actually liked doing, eating in an intuitive , nourishing style that wasn’t focused on weight loss, stress reduction and shame reduction, and being kinder to themselves and their own bodies. And at the end of two years, they objective up with improved overall health( blood pressure, blood lipids, mental health symptoms ), even though that group didn’t end up losing weight. And the group of women who focused on standard weight loss protocol( good old fashioned monitored, guided diet and exert, prescribed by a diet) lost weight initially, but gained it all back and then some, and objective up with worse physical and mental health markers that they started with by the end of two years, even when lots of them were still sticking to the doctor-prescribed diet. So what that means is that joy and self-compassion was good for their health, and earnest and doctor-monitored weight loss backfired big time.

I know! I know! Nobody wants to hear this! But in the very least, it’s important information if we want to understand what the HELL is going on when we put ourselves on a diet. And it also matters if what we really care about is our overall health.

So, back to the question: am I trying to ruin the health of our nation? No, I’m just trying to explain that preoccupying over our weight and food and exert isn’t good for our health. A hyper-focus on weight and weight loss and perfect eating actually ends up being a distraction from truly taking care of ourselves. The truth is, when people stop dieting, some people eventually lose weight, but some people need to gain weight, and some people stay the same. Either way, forcing it tends to backfire in more than one way.

I definitely understand why it scares people. It sounds exceedingly irresponsible, because people still assume that not dieting entails feeing donuts for breakfast and lunch and then eating mac n’ cheese and Burger King for dinner every night. And then eating an entire cake in bed. Which is actually the kind of thing I was more likely to do when I was constantly forcing myself to diet.

These days, food isn’t the drama that it used to be. I feed a varied diet and I feed until I am full. I crave healthy foods, I crave dense foods, I crave veggies and fruit. I crave pizza. I’ll eat one( or, y’know, sometimes even two !) pieces of cake instead of finishing off the cake at 1am while standing in front of the refrigerator. I feed dessert. I feed flapjacks. I feed the bread on the table at restaurants. I eat grains and meat and eggs and lots and lots of cheese. Sometimes people ask me what I like to eat, and I usually can’t even remember because that is how little I “ve been thinking about” food now. It’s food. I like it! I like it a lot! I want to feel good, I want to feel fed, I want to feel alive, and I want to go live my life and pet my puppy and go get happy hour.

In conclusion: I think sweet potatoes and green juice are healthy, and I like them, and I eat/ beverage them! But being afraid of nachos was ultimately very bad for me. Maybe that applies to you, too?

It’s been so great to get to share my story and experience with Betches readers. I know some of you detest me now, but that’s only the name of the game when you talk about diets. People get cagey. People are very devoted to their diets, and in some manner, diets are the new religion of the 21 st century. If you read this series and you’re like, “this is … interesting to me, but I’m not persuaded, ” my volume The F* ck It Diet goes wayyyy more in depth. You can also start researching weight stigma and Health at Every Size, and start reading all of the things that helped open up my eyes to the dark side of dieting. You can also follow me on Instagram at @thefuckitdiet.( I post a lot of instagram tales of my bernedoodle if you’re into that sort of thing .)

And remember, if you’re having a great time dieting, or doing whatever you’re doing, I actually don’t care if you diet or not. I promise. Everybody should do what works for them. Don’t F* ck Your Diet on my account. BUT, if you’re stressed out over food and weight and have been in a dysfunctional cycle with dieting, I invite you to come join us over here on the other side of diet culture. There are snacks! There are cheese committees with dried fruit and sourdough bread! You can take naps! You’re allowed to buy clothes that actually fit you! Nobody will ever force you to wake up at 4:30 am to go to the gym! And there are no diets.

Images: @dietstartstomorrow/ Instagram; @thefuckitdiet/ Instagram

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Does Food Combining Work? I Tried It& Here’s What Happened* Betches

Hey, it’s me. The girl who tries terrible fad diets and writes about them. You may recollect me from the time I feed Halo Top ice cream and nothing else for a week. Or the time I accidentally set off a war in the Whole3 0 community. Or you don’t understand either of those references and are just here today to learn about the confusing and scientifically unfounded lifestyle that is Food Combining. Regardless, welcome.

A few days ago I discovered myself at a happy hour discussing, what else, fad diets. Usually once people hear that this is something I do willingly, they start throwing out wild suggestions that only lead me to believe that they are hoping I die in the process of attempting. May I present to you, a shortlist of diets that have been suggested to me by friends and strangers alike 😛 TAGEND The Potato Diet in which you feed, you guessed it, plain cooked potatoes and nothing else That insane Vogue diet that circulated Twitter and allows you an entire bottle of wine, three hardboiled eggs, and one steak a day( still not off the table tbh) The sushi and Jamba Juice diet, which is less a fad diet and more the very real eating habits of my suburban Californian high school self “Just like…eggs? ”- a human who wasn’t even involved in the conversation but had to stop and offer his two cents “Vegan !! ”- any Vegan in a two mile radius

WTF Is Red Light Therapy& Should You Try It?* Betches

It’s no secret by now that I’m a fan of high-tech beauty hackers. So when I was offered the chance to write about red light therapy, I dove in–despite having absolutely no idea what it was. 48 hours later, I’m semi-seriously considering taking out a loan to buy a Joovv Elite and converting a wall of my( tiny) apartment into a red light therapy studio.( Don’t worry, I’ll explain what a Joovv is, my uninitiated friends .) But first, a rundown of WTF red light therapy actually is, how it runs, and how quickly whether you should do it.

What Is Red Light Therapy?

Red light therapy is, in the end, very much what it sounds like: a form of therapy for your body utilizing red light. To be more specific, use wavelengths of red and near infrared light, and to be psychotically specific, use red light “in the mid-6 00 nanometer range” and near infrared light “in the mid-8 00 s.”( You do not need to understand these words in order to reap the benefits. But should you, for example, have a very irritating boyfriend who demands to know the science behind all your beauty treatments, you can now cite those numbers for him .) These wavelengths penetrate “roughly 5 millimeters below the skin’s surface, ” stirring up all kinds of sh* t in your cells without damaging the surface of your scalp. A win in my book.

How Does Red Light Therapy Work?

The reason such specific wavelengths are required is that you’re running after a very specific effect: to strengthen the mitochondria in your cells. I’ve been waiting my entire adult life to use this fact that I learned in middle school, and here it is: the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. Unfortunately, my understanding never ran far enough to know what that means, so I dove back into my research. According to Healthline, the mitochondria generates energy, or energy-carrying molecules called ATP( adenosine triphosphate. Do I have a PhD yet ?). When red light induces the mitochondria, it creates more ATP–and with more ATP, cells have more energy to get sh* t done.

What Does Red Light Therapy Do?

To get a more nuanced opinion of red light therapy’s effects, I spoke to Lindsay Malachowski, the Director of Operations at SKINNEY Medspa. First, I ran the effects I was most hoping were true by her: the wonders red light therapy is meant to perform for your skin. According to Joovv, a company offering at-home red light therapy devices, RLT is clinically proven to boost collagen production, reduce rednes and redness, and improve the appearance of wrinkles.( I am aware that clinically proven connotes there are clinical studies I could read. I favor a more human approach .) When I asked Malachowski about these asserts, she corroborated them as true–with some caveats.

Red light therapy, Malachowski explains, is “the most gentle form of photodynamic therapy: ” AKA it’s effective, but not going to get you the most dramatic outcomes. Because it’s LED rather than laser, and doesn’t work directly on the surface of the skin, it offer less “significant changes” than a laser treatment like Fraxel or IPL. That’s not to say RLT is useless–Malachowski specifically states that it’s an effective treatment to reduce redness, rednes, breakouts, and eczema, with the added benefit of having no downtime afterward. Finally, while she confirms that red light therapy “does induce collagen, ” she notes that here, too, it’s not the most dramatic treatment available on the market.( For that, she recommends non-invasive ultrasound or radio-frequency like Ultherapy .)

When I next asked Malachowski about red light therapy’s weight loss and fat reduction effects, she was notably less enthusiastic. According to her, there’s “little scientific evidence” supporting those particular claims. She doesn’t have much more to say about that, except to recommend CoolSculpting or EmSculpt to those looking for those results.

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Coolsculpting+ EmSculpt= Hot Bride #gettheskinneylook

A post shared by SKINNEY Medspa( r ) (@ skinneymedspa) on Mar 22, 2019 at 10:56 am PDT

When I spoke to Joovv’s cofounder, Scott Nelson, he directed my attention to a whole other side of red light therapy benefits: namely, those that don’t immediately appear in the mirror( sue me, I’m vain ). When I asked which groups of people would benefit most from red light therapy, he mentioned immediately that it can lead to “better-looking skin, ” but he also mentioned people suffering from joint pain, trouble sleeping, or struggling with muscle recovery. He also mentioned that “elite athletes” utilize red light therapy to achieve “that edge” when it comes to increasing their performance or cutting down their recovery day. For what it’s worth, Joovv’s clients do include pro athletes Zach Johnson, Anthony Pettis, and Duncan Keith. As for better sleep, he says that using red light therapy “on a regular basis” will promptly improve sleep quality and REM cycles.

So, Where Do I Get It Done?

Good question! Certain salons and spas offer red light therapy treatments, including SKINNEY MedSpa.( It’s not offered as a service on its own, but it’s a 20 -minute portion of their Hi Tech Facial, and they also offer it after Botox, filler, and Fraxel treatments to speed up healing .) Other treatment defines might include lying in a red light therapy bed for 20 minutes, offered by aesthetician Mzia Shiman in NYC.

If you’re looking for an at-home version( a phrase I’ve always personally been happy to hear ), Joovv sells red light therapy devices in sizes ranging from purse-friendly to a six-foot-tall wall-mounted model. For these, Nelson recommends a daily treatment of 8-10 minutes, standing three to six inches from the device. When I asked how quickly you considered outcomes( I’m impatient, okay ?), he let me know that effects like ache and inflammation relief could be seen in a single session. Effects on the skin, however, would take up to 4-6 weeks of daily treatment.

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Have you tried red light therapy yet? [?] I just love trying the latest health technology, so when I had a chance to try the new @joovvsocial Joovv Go, I jumped at it !! [?] Red illuminated therapy can help with skin health, fat loss, muscle recovery, joint health, sleep, inflammation and more !! [?] So many health benefits in the handheld portable Joovv Go ![?] Now when I have downtime( which I’m still learning how to just relax sometimes) I use my new Joovv Go on everything from my face( my glowing scalp obsession continues) and if I have sore muscles from fitness, I can target those areas too! [?]. Hair @ kaidoeshair [?]. #sponsored #joovv #redlighttherapy #lighttherapy #healthylifestyle #antiaging #musclerecovery #healthtechnology #healthychoice #naturalhealth #naturalhealthcare #fatlosstips #influencer #scottsdale #healthblogger #nutritioncoach

A post shared by Jolene Goring [?] (@ jolenegoring) on Apr 4, 2019 at 1:29 pm PDT

So, will I be marching out to begin my 4-6 weeks of dedicated red light therapy? Honestly, definitely, but I’m not a hard sell on products that promise to solve all my problems. While experts may not agree on all the effects of red light therapy, there does seem to be substantial scientific evidence that it’s a useful therapy for skin quality, pain relief, and improved sleep. Other claims you can test for yourself, and write blog posts about if you so prefer. But if this treatment is even half as effective as the clinical trials supporting it would suggest, I’d say it’s definitely worth a shot.

Images: @skinneymedspa, @jolenegoring/ Instagram; @keelyflaherty/ Twitter

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How To Drink More Water& Stay Hydrated Every Day* Betches

Whenever there is anything wrong with me, the advice I always get is” drinking more water .” A headache? Drink more water. Hungover? Drink more water. Broken leg? Drink more water. I used to think that it was my doctor’s mom’s way of shutting me up and dismissing my symptoms. But seriously, water has a plethora (* flips hair *) of benefits. It really is that bitch. Who knew! The benefits of drinking more water include increased energy and brain power, flushing out toxins, promoting weight loss and management, improving your scalp( bye-bye bye zits ), and tons of others. Needless to say, if there is anything wrong with you, drink more water. But it is possible v hard, so here are some tips-off to help you drink that water.

1. Get A Water Bottle That Works For You

Shop Betches Not Not Hungover Stainless Steel Water Bottle

Personally, I love my S’well bottle. I don’t think there is anywhere I go without it. It keeps my water uber cold. If you don’t like ice cold water, then this isn’t the bottle for you( and I think there is something wrong with you, so please send me your location so I can alert the authorities to your whereabouts ). Get a bottle in a fun colouring, design, or with a fun saying. You’re gonna be spending a lot of time together so you may as well like looking at it.

2. Use a Straw

YIHONG Set of 8 Stainless Steel Metal Straws

Using a straw forces you to drink way more and is my favorite style how to drink more water. But because we care about the turtles and sh* t, invest in some metal straws, rather than disposable plastic ones. My fav are from Amazon. You get an assortment of bendy and straight straws depending on your drinking needs and two brushes so you can keep the straws. But realistically, I just leave them all dirty until I’ve run out …

3. Use An App

There are TONS of apps to help you track your water intake. I use” My Water Balance” because it is super simple. I’m able to input my water and coffee intake so I can see how much caffeine I’ve had the working day, as well. If you are feeling bougie, you can upgrade the app so you are able to input other drinks like soda, smoothies, and alcohol. The best part? It sends you reminders at whatever interval you choose so it can remind you to keep on drinking. Cheers.

4. Add Flavor

By adding flavor to your water, you can spice up your boring ol’ H2O. I love adding fresh lemon and strawberries.Lemon is a natural anti-inflammatory and helps to boosts your immune system, to name a few. Strawberries are considered a” super food” and contain high levels of antioxidants and vitamin C. Infusing your water can kick up your hydration, so try infusing your water with mint, cucumber, or orange( or check out this post for other recipes ).

5. One-to-One Rule

This may not be the most fun way of how to drink more water but trust, it’ll be worth it. You’ll thank me the next morning. So here’s how it goes: when you’re drinking and pounding back those shots, follow a one-to-one rule–one glass of water for every one glass( or shot) of alcohol. Since alcohol is dehydrating, you need more water to offset the effect. You’ll feel way better the next morning, trust me so this won’t be you tomorrow.

6. Eat Your Water

One great way for how to drink more water is actually through eating your water. Foods like cucumber, lettuce, celery, radishes, tomatoes, bell peppers, watermelon, spinach, and so many others have super high water contents. By eating some of these foods, you can justify missing a glass or two. If Beyonce can drink her watermelon, so can we.

Images: William Bayreuther/ Unsplash; Giphy( 3 ); S’well; Amazon; My Water Balance

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The Problem With Instagram Hiding Photoshopped Photos | Betches

By now, we should really all understand that Instagram is not the place to look if you want an accurate depiction of how the world is. But just because we’ve trained ourselves to spot Photoshop Fails doesn’t mean people ought to be getting away with them. Clearly, Instagram is aware of the problematic culture it has helped to spread, and it’s interesting to see what steps they’ve taken to combat misleading posts.

In September 2019, Jameela Jamil announced she was working with the app on new restrictions surrounding the marketing of diet-related products. The measures announced at that time included blocking weight loss posts from users under the age of 18, and a commitment to removing posts that induced false or unsubstantiated claims about weight loss. At the time, I was hesitant to be too optimistic about these apparently tough-to-implement policies, but little argument could be made that the goals of the rules weren’t important.

But now, Instagram has unveiled another feature designed to shield its users from misleading content, and I have to be honest, I don’t really get onto. In the coming days and weeks, they will roll out a feature that hides photos that are deemed to be digitally altered. Flagged photos will be hidden behind a big-ass black banner, and you’ll have to tap to confirm that you still want to see the photo. Kind of like how Instagram blurs out a photo in your DMs that randos send you, to protect you from find an unwanted d* ck pic.

The thing is, if I have to jump through hoops to see an Instagram model’s obviously Facetuned ass pic, that’s fine. But graphic designers and digital artists are worried that the new filters will affect the performance of their duties, and that’s a valid concern.

A few weeks ago, artist Toby Harriman posted on Facebook about the first time he came across the new restrictions on his Instagram feed. When he tapped” ensure post ,” he was surprised to see that the image in question was this 😛 TAGEND

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Would you rather be here right now?*: DM for credit* Follow for more! @mixsociety_** *

A post shared by MIX Society (@ mixsociety_) on Jan 10, 2020 at 8: 02 pm PST

Now, unless this guy magically booked a ticket to Thneedville to hang out with the Lorax, this scene is obviously Photoshopped … but that’s kind of the point? While millions of people are brainwashed into thinking the Kardashians actually look like the style they was contained in photos in real life, I don’t think anyone over the age of five would look at the above photo and think these rainbow mountains exist somewhere on Earth. This is just one instance of the new feature in action, and it seems like it hasn’t been rolled out to most users yet, but there is already a good bit of room for error/ pissed off people.

In the last several years, Instagram has become the easiest way for artists, both traditional and of the Photoshop variety, to show their work and grow a following. Like it or not, but in 2020, growing an Instagram following is directly connected to making money, and these artists rely on Instagram to get their work out there. Personally, I follow a lot of dedicated Photoshop accounts, and they put out some of the funniest, most original content on Instagram. To feign that a photo of Meghan and Harry Photoshopped as punk rockers is harmful in the same way as false diet claims is just dumb.

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Mood AF

A post shared by REILLY (@ hey_reilly) on Jan 10, 2020 at 10:09 am PST

According to a blog post from Instagram last month, the way in which their new policy works is pretty complex. Through a” combining of feedback from our community and technological sciences ,” photos thought to be” false or partly false” are sent to third-party fact checkers, who make the ultimate determination about whether there is misinformation happening. Of course, all of this is vague, but Instagram does say that they will” induce content from accounts that repeatedly receive these labels harder to find by removing it from Explore and hashtag pages .”

So basically, one-time offenders will get their post marked behind that big black box, but repeat delinquents can be cut off from some of the main ways that accounts grow and reach new adherents. Again, this is fine for all the random girls in bikinis whose ass magically warp railings, but it’s pretty sh* tty if actual artists are going to see their accounts suffer because someone doesn’t understand the joke.

Again, the new limiteds are still in the process of being implemented, and as with all of these things, I’m sure that it’s going to take time to fine-tune the algorithm or whatever to achieve the desired effect. But I would hope that Instagram and its fact checkers air on the side of leniency for now, rather than block everything that comes their style, and subsequently ruin the growth of artists and designers who are dependent upon the app to make money. As someone who spent an hour last week photoshopping Scheana from Vanderpump Rules onto the Mona Lisa, I genuinely don’t want the pleasures of Photoshop taken away from Instagram. Punish the influencers , not us humble Photoshoppers!

Images: Patrick Tomasso/ Unsplash; Toby Harriman/ Facebook, mixsociety, heyreilly_/ Instagram

Editor’s Picks 6 Celebrities Who Need To Join Instagram Will Instagram Removing Like Counts Do Enough For Our Mental Health ? 5 Celebrities Who Don’ t Photoshop The Sh* t Out Of Themselves

Photoshop Fail Of The Week: Is Kim Zolciak Okay? | Betches

Kim Zolciak-Biermann, former star of The Real Housewives of Atlanta , is one of the worst photo editors I have ever seen. She’s also one of the biggest abusers of unneeded plastic surgery I’ve ever seen. Serious question, honestly: what is the point of doing so much random shit to your face and body, if you’re just going to edit it to be unrecognizable in every single photo? I don’t even understand. Are these people aware that for zero dollars, zero recovery, and zero waste of time, you are eligible to merely have your actual face, and post pictures of said face, and no one devotes a shit? I’m sure her husband loved her before she became an alien cyborg? I’m just not sure what the point of this is. Especially because as a celebrity, you’re going to be criticized for absolutely anything anyway, and I promise you, more people will dislike on your unnecessary surgery and botched Facetune chores than your original nose. Which brings us to this photo. This is what Kim Z thinks is believable for what she looks like 😛 TAGEND

Shall I get my red pen ready?

I’m sure the longer I look at this the more I will find, but only a quick glance gave me ALL OF THIS. First, she’s so airbrushed she has zero nose bridge. Which, yes, some people do not have defined nose bridges. Kim is not one of those people. Her nose here does not look normal. Her jawline is crooked. Her arm has all these lumps and bumps. Her elbow has been sharpened to a lethal weapon. Her hand is all bumpy in strange places. One finger is twice as large as the other( what exactly was she trying to fix here ?). And then there’s this bizarre dark mass I found in her elbow.

Here it is a little more zoomed out 😛 TAGEND

Like. What. What is that? What was it supposed to be? Why are weird things always around the stomach area? Can you please explain what kind of editing you attempted to do that gave you this strange mass?

I also thought Kim edited her lips at first, considering they take up 1/3 of her entire face, but then I saw this video 😛 TAGEND

So in this case, the lips definitely sounds like the fault of the doctor giving her fillers , not Facetune.

And before you’re like,” Omg Kim has never had surgery !! She doesn’t edit her photos! I’m a surgeon !! She is 100% natural !!” like I insure on other posts( which … truly? No one is buying that sh* t .) Here’s a picture of what Kim ACTUALLY looks like 😛 TAGEND

And in case you somehow do not see a difference. But like, perhaps get your eyes checked.

There’s definitely an angle change. But. This is not the same person. Also?

This is what Kim USED to look like 😛 TAGEND

You know, back in 2009, when she was still a mostly-natural human woman. So. Would love to hear your thoughts on whether it’s the slant or lighting for this one. And because I merely had to 😛 TAGEND

It’s crazy what people look like pre-famous, right? But Kim! You have a whole new look, so why do you still use Facetune? I mean, your new snout lookings style better than having no nose at all in the airbrushed AF photos you post on Instagram. At the very least, cease giving yourself weird dark blobs and crazy sharp elbows. That is my expert advice for you.

Images: Shutterstock; kimzolcyiakbiermann/ Instagram

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What To Eat Before& After Your Workout To Maximize Benefits* Betches

Fueling your body before and after a workout is a key component in maximizing the effects of said workout. After all, who wants to work hard and ensure subpar outcomes? Nobody. That’s like, the whole opposite of the entire point. You already bought your cute workout clothes and dragged your ass to the gym, and( hopefully) actually like, “ve tried to” put in~ werk~ and didn’t only half-ass it. But what you do at the gym isn’t the only thing that factors into your weight loss or other fitness goals–what you eat before and after your workout can kind of stimulate or transgress your efforts as well. What should you eat before your workout? Should you eat at all? And after your workout, what should you eat so your muscles can recover, but you don’t undo all the progress you just made? These are the types of questions I get from my clients a lot. I’m going to help you break down what to eat before and after your workout so you can get the most benefits and not completely sabotage your efforts.

Pre-Workout Nutrition

Okay, so I generally fall into two camps here for pre-workout nutrition. If it is early in the morning, like a 5am-6am workout, I understand not eating pre-workout. What’s more, if the workout consists of a morning jog or mainly endurance cardio( the treadmill, elliptical, Stair Master, etc .) it is totally fine to not feed before.

HOWEVER. If you’re about to go lift weights or do HIIT training, a completely empty stomach could potentially induce you dizzy and interfere with your ability to do as much as you want to in the gym( and also be dangerous ). The reason for this is when you’re running on totally empty, the body has already depleted its glycogen store( which is used for quick energy–it’s a reason athletes carb-load prior to video games ). This is where I am an advocate of waking up earlier( yeah, I know, I know) so you can actually try to eat something before.

Now, if you’re an afternoon/ evening gym rat, then I’m sincerely hoping you’re not working out still fasted from the night before. A mixture of protein and carbohydrates will give you the proper nutrition you need to work out. Stay away from anything with a lot of fat content, because fat takes longer to digest than carbohydrates and protein, so it’ll kinda just sit there for a while and cause cramps while you work out. A good example of a pre-workout snack is a bowl of berries, a piece of toast, and two eggs. That’s a fairly optimal meal anyway, but it’s not too big to mess with you during the course of its workout if you have to go right to the gym after eating.

What I find works best for me is having a proper meal about two hours before I workout. I’m a PM-er, so I workout later in the day after lunch. My lunch could be anything from lentil pasta arrabbiata and chicken breast to ground turkey salad. I dedicate myself time to digest after, then I find I’m able to really go hard in the gym.

Also, it’s pretty common sense, but gasoline more for a more strenuous workout. So you’re definitely going to want to eat more before a leg workout( larger muscle groups= more sweaty, more tiring–I have an article coming on this later) than for the purposes of an limbs/ abs workout( smaller muscle groups ).

Post-Workout Nutrition

The reason post-workout nutrition, to me, is more important than pre-workout nutrition is because the body involves replenishment after being depleted of energy. Now, amino acids( or protein) play a super key role here because you want the proteins to help your muscle fibers heal and kickstart your recovery process.

You don’t really NEED to rush to get in your protein and carbs within 30 minutes after your workout, like many fitness gurus will tell you( this is what they call the” anabolic window “). You’re definitely going to want to eat after, but honestly…I live in LA, that drive home from the gym could already take up the whole 30 minutes, honey. Trust me when I say those 30 minutes are not the end-all and be-all. You simply want to make sure you’re getting enough protein throughout the day; rushing to get it in right after a work out won’t make much of a difference.

The best kind of post-workout nutrition should really be a full meal if you have the time for it. Anything with a complete protein source( chicken breast, fish, etc .) and complex carbohydrates( brown rice, pasta, beans are all good alternatives) will help your body recover from the workout. If you’re kind of in a period crunch, then a protein shake will do. Depending on how filling your shake is, you might need proper ga as well.

Images: @dietstartstomorrow( 2 )/Instagram

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It’s Time To Stop Shedding For The Wedding | Betches

Ever since I got engaged nine several months ago, I’ve noticed a strange tendency. I mean besides the constant “It’s raining on my wedding day” nightmares that maintain me up at night and the ever-present fear that by the time I’m hitched I’ll have less than $10 in my bank account. I’m talking about the constant messaging telling me I need to start “shredding” or” shedding for the wedding”. Every day I insure a new article about pre-wedding juice cleanses and wedding diet plans, and I’ve pretty much had it. The notion that girls need to hit a certain weight or look a certain way on their wedding day in order for it to be “the best day ever” is an outdated concept rooted in sexism. Here’s why I’m 100% OVER shedding for the wedding, and why you should be too.

It Feels Like Society’s Beauty Expectations Of Women, On Steroids

Women have been held to unrealistic beauty expectations since the beginning of time, but since getting engaged, I’ve found that this expectation of having the perfect body( whatever that means) is on a whole other level. Whenever my friends got engaged they would all say, “My wedding diet starts now”. They were literally getting engaged one day and counting calories the next. I didn’t quite understand their reaction, but now, I altogether get onto. I’m constantly inundated with wedding content about workout regiments, foods to avoid and skincare routines( apparently I’m months behind on this ). It doesn’t matter whether or not you’re engaged, if you’re a human girl who goes online, you’re no stranger to the expectations society has for us. The only change is that when you’ve got a ring on your finger, there’s an impending deadline to achieve the aforementioned perfect body, and it’s your wedding date.

It Feels Like A Prerequisite For Getting Married

Look, I understand wanting to look and feel the very best on your wedding day, I know I do, but that entails different things to different people. You may have a goal weight you’ve been trying to make and the bridal day is a good motivator, or you may feel perfectly comfy in your own body and not feel the need to do anything( more power to you ). But whatever your situation is, losing weight shouldn’t feel like a prerequisite to getting married. Content about what you should and shouldn’t be eating before your bridal and articles that claim the hardest part of wedding planning is your fitness routine( has this person ever made a seating chart ?) might construct you question if something’s wrong with you if you’re not dieting or amping up your workout( myself included ). If you find yourself believing like that, try to block out all the social media noise and focus on doing what constructs YOU feel like your best self. I know it’s easier said than done, but maybe unfollow the #weddingworkout hashtag for a while. Don’t worry, you can still get a marriage license even if you’re not going to bridal boot camp.

Designers Are Becoming More Size-Inclusive

You shouldn’t have to feel like you need to drop weight in order to fit in a wedding dress. Cookie cutter garbs are a thing of the past, and bridal decorators today are attaining wedding dresses for all body forms and sizes , not just the stick-thin models who debut them on the runway. Supermodel Ashley Graham recently teamed up with Pronovias to launch her own size-inclusive collection, while Fame and Partner launched a capsule collecting for the modern girl with David’s Bridal and new wedding dress company Floravere has garments up to size 26, ensuring women of all sizes they’ll be able to find something that constructs them feel like a million bucks. If you’re fretted you’ll have to lose weight to find a gown that fits you, you can kick that fear to the curb, because it’s become much easier in recent years to find the perfect gown , no matter your body kind.

Grooms Are Held To Different Standards

After being inundated with ideas of ways to change the way my body appears in time for my wedding, I asked my fiance if he noticed anything similar. He hadn’t. I can’t say I’m surprised that there’s not this insane pressure on men to look a certain way for their bridal day, but it was disappointing to hear nonetheless. I wanted to see if there was any content out there aimed at the groom’s physical appearance on the bridal day. Come to find out, there is, but it’s scarce. I found a listing of things bridegrooms should do leading up to the wedding, and the only appearance-related tip was for them to get a haircut. And on their 12-month checklist? Apparently all they need to do is whiten their teeth. No gyms advertising groom boot camp or weight loss tips for men before they go tux shopping. Sure , not all men care as much about their appearance as Tom Sandoval, but why are only the brides being told they need to shed for the marriage in order to “look our best”? I’m exhausted just thinking about all of the things I’m supposed to be doing to my body to get it “wedding ready”, meanwhile my fiance’s downing fried chicken and playing video games not worrying about what the f* ck he’ll look like six months from now. Ugh, to be a man.

It’s Time To End The Madness

Look, I’m not saying that dieting and exercising before your bridal day is a negative thing, but I’m tired of reading articles that imply feeling your best on your bridal day means you have to be working out and dieting beforehand. Shouldn’t you feel your best on your bridal day because you’re marrying the love of your life? Or because you’re about to attend the best party of all time? Why is weight loss so intrinsically tied to how we feel about ourselves, and why is that link merely reserved for women? Your physical appearance might be a part of your wedding day journey, but it shouldn’t hijack what the day is really all about. So, let’s shatter the notion that those surface-level things are in any way the key to having a happy and joyful wedding day. It’s time to say f* ck it and halt to a stop on our never-ending journey towards unattainable beauty standards. The best route to get” wedding day ready” is to be 100% you.

Images: Jason Briscoe/ Unsplash

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How The Kardashians’ Beauty Looks Have Changed Over The Years | Betches

I’ve always said that being hot is really 75% only proper hygiene. Simply seeming clean and polished ups your hotness ratio by a lot.( I mean, except if you’re a guy living in LA, and then somehow you’re allowed to look filthy and still be considered hot because it’s “grunge” .) Celebrity have the means to push this further. Even without the plastic surgeons, they have access to the best hair stylists, very expensive extensions and wigs, the most skilled makeup artists, personal trainers, personal cooks, and the listing goes on and on. Meanwhile, appearing my best as a regular person entails putting on makeup in 10 minutes and poorly curling my hair–maybe put on jeans instead of leggings( but usually not, jeans are formal wear, everyone knows that ). But truly, if we all had Kardashian money and access, how much better appearing would we be?

Well, I made the decision to set that question to the test. Not by somehow becoming an overnight billionaire, but by taking a look at what the Kardashians used to look like before all the money and the renown. The Kardashian-Jenner clan were always rich, let’s build that clear, but once they get in the public eye, they have begun actually shelling out cash for their appearance. So what does being rich and having access to the the best of the beauty world do to your face? Let’s take a look.


Kim went from styling her makeup like Jafar to a “natural” looking.( I set “natural” in quotes because it still probably takes her a ton of makeup to got to get .) Kim speaking about makeup was the first time I had even heard the word ” contour ,” and say what you will, but she heavily influenced the style all of us think about makeup. She really does look like an entirely different person from her past self, and for some reason, also stopped smiling in photos. Is that a rich person thing or from the Botox?


I genuinely thought that Khloe would look the most different due to her dramatic weight loss, but actually, she was actually pretty thin before she was mega-famous. Now she’s just super rent and in shape. In addition to the obvious hair colouring change, Khloe got a tan, is no longer subject to normal human problems like oily skin, improved her lips, and is “contouring” her snout differently. I will say, the makeup is definitely better! Why did we all suppose having shiny lips was a good look?


I always felt like Kourtney had the least amount of work done of her entire household, but this photo makes her face seem fairly significantly different. One thing being that she seems super miserable in every single photo now. Is that part of being “high fashion”? Or is that simply proving what they say about money not buying you happiness? IDK. What I do know is that years of the best makeup artists get Kourt to grow out her eyebrows and stop with the heavy-handed black liner. I say, from my high horse, although this was my* exact* look in middle school, too. Complete with the hoop earrings! It was just of the times for a regular person. But the money definitely altered Kourt from being subjected to us regular people tendencies( and, from the lookings of it, also changed her nose ).


Kris was always cute, and now she’s still cute, but she kinda looks like an entirely different person. Since her early days, Kris grew out her hair, got lash extensions, a new nose, and thicker eyebrows. She also lightened up the makeup, which stimulates her look style younger, but somehow has less wrinkles in the recent photo than the before thanks to her documented facelift and Botox.


Kendall and Kylie are harder to show because they were literal children before they started their cyborg transformation. But I tried to find photos of them in their late teens. I always thought Kendall seemed the most natural out of all of them, with most of her changes being to her makeup , nose, lips, and learning how to serve~ lewks ~. Seriously, can Kendall teach me how to pose? I’m sick of looking awkward in every photo. I said today that her lips definitely look fuller, and not just from overlining them, but that’s neither here nor there.


In a correlation that is definitely pertained, Kylie has the most money and has changed the most. Aside from being a child in the original photo, clearly there is a lot going on for this total glow-up. Surgery/ fillers aside, the biggest changes to Kylie’s face truly look like they’re from simply having the best of the best makeup and hair people. Before, she did her makeup like every other 14 -year-old. Now she looks like a true celebrity, with perfectly filled eyebrows, contour, super long lashes–the works.

This goes to show, with enough money, we could all look like these celebrities. It’s been said before, but I’ll say it again: nobody’s ugly, simply poor.

Images: Tinseltown/ Shutterstock.com; Jeff Vespa/ WireImage; Kevin Mazur/ Getty Images for Sean Combs; ANDREAS BRANCH/ Patrick McMullan via Getty Images; Stefanie Keenan/ Getty Images for UCLA; Michael Caulfield/ WireImage; Dimitrios Kambouris/ Getty Images for Dior Men; Ron Galella, Ltd ./ Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images; Erik Voake/ Getty Images for ThinkBIG !, Nazarian Institute; Michael Tran/ FilmMagic via Getty Images; Alberto E. Rodriguez/ Getty Images; Stefanie Keenan/ Getty Images; Jon Kopaloff/ FilmMagic via Getty Images

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The Most Ridiculous Job Titles In ‘Bachelor’ History | Betches

We’re just a few short days away from the premiere of Pilot Pete’s season of The Bachelor . Thank god, I was starting to get a little too productive on Monday nights. Get your wine and yoga gasps ready, because the contestants have been announced( are three flight attendants really necessary ?), the bar has been defined high, and we’re ready for our annual Bachelor hiatus to end. I, for one, always love to see what new and inventive words the contestants will come up with to mean “aspiring influencer”. (” Content creator”, anyone ?) So, in anticipation of the new season, we’ve rounded up the craziest job titles from the past few seasons.

Tiara, Chicken Enthusiast

Season: Ben Higgins

When it comes to Tiara, I merely need more details. What kind of chicken? Does she opt nuggets or tenders? Is she a breast or a leg daughter? Has she tried the Popeye’s spicy chicken sandwich? And if not, can she even call herself an enthusiast? Does she, too, want a man to get her Chick-fil-A on Sunday like that contestant on Pilot Pete’s season? This undertaking title leaves me wanting more, and I feel like it’s my journalistic duty to interview her and get all the facts about how enthusiastic she is about her love of chicken.

Daniel, Canadian

Season : JoJo Fletcher

Okay, I’m curious what exactly a professional Canadian does. I imagine “theyre saying” ” eh” a lot, play hockey, eat Canadian bacon, and love Justin Bieber, Drake, and Ryan Gosling. But if you have any other hypothesis about what it means to represent the entire country of Canada as your profession, without being the Prime Minister, please let me know your thoughts.

Heather, Never Been Kissed

Season: Colton Underwood

This is a lie, I’m sorry. Heather, there is no way you HAVEN’T ever been kissed. She just wanted to top the virgin on the demonstrate and this was the next best thing. Or maybe she thought she was supposed to write down her favorite movie instead of her job? Either way, I’m not f* cking buying it.

James, Bachelor Superfan

Season : JoJo Fletcher

This was genius and I want to shake James S.’s hand and thank him. I can almost hear the gleeful screeches from groups of women at watch parties declaring him their dream human. An attractive single male who loves The Bachelor and can help me with my fantasy bracket? WHERE CAN I Sign up? Whatever happened to this guy anyway? Can we get eyes on James S. ASAP?

Alexis, Aspiring Dolphin Trainer

Season: Nick Viall

I, too, love dolphins and definitely wrote down” dolphin trainer” in elementary school as what I wanted to be when I grow up. But that was elementary school, and not on national television. And I can’t help but feel like I need an update on the status of Alexis’s aspirations. Going on The Bachelor brought her nowhere closer to achieving that dream–probably further from it, to be honest, since we realise she can’t even tell a dolphin from a shark. But she does have her line of hoop earrings, so she has something, even if that something is not dolphins.

Tony, Healer

Season : Kaitlyn Bristowe

WTF does this even mean? Is Tony a “doctor” that focuses on natural remedies? Is he a therapist? Is he just like my manipulative ex-boyfriend who claimed he was a” spiritual healer” which actually just meant he would bully people until they broke down so he could construct them back up? Whatever the suit may be, Tony definitely sounds like he did a lot of drugs at Burning Man and only declared himself a professional healer in the middle of the Nevada desert. He kinda is like he merely escaped a flame, so maybe he should use some of that magical energy on himself. Has he ever actually healed anyone? Also, what insurance does he take? Inquiring intellects need to know.

Rachel, Unemployed

Season: Ben Higgins

Honestly, props to this girl for being honest. She’s not trying to construct us believe she’s anything other than what she is. Look, the girl is 23, of course she’s unemployed. These people who come on here at age 22 and say they own a business are just liars. I guess this was before we could all simply call ourselves influencers, so good for her. Respect, Rachel!

Jonathan, Tickle Monster

Season: Rachel Lindsay

Yeahhh, “tickle monster” sounds like a bootleg Sesame Street character , not a profession for a 31 -year-old man. Jonathan is like that persisting guy at the bar who does not get the hint when you tell him you “have a boyfriend” that it means you’re not interested, forcing you and your friends to move to the other side of the bar. If an adult man ever tried to tickle me, I would call the policemen, and that’s not an exaggeration.

Lucy, Free Spirit

Season: Juan Pablo Galavis

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I feel like people who are actually free spirits don’t declare themselves as such. It’s kind of like calling yourself a hipster. Lucy probably just did acid at Coachella one time while wearing a flower crown, and here we are. I’d love to see her these days, because I have a feeling she realized that she needs money to live, and has a boring job like the rest of us. Being a free spirit isn’t so cute when you can’t move out of your mom’s house.

Evan, Erectile Dysfunction Specialist

Season: JoJo Fletcher

Please always remember that before Evan married Carly and had two kids with her that he was an erectile dysfunction specialist. I entail, this is just incredible. He’s basically advertising his sex abilities via his chore title. Like, he literally specializes in guys not being able to perform, implying that he’s an expert in it, and I admire that. Even if it’s not true, which it is likely to isn’t, you’ve only got one shot on this thing( unless you’re Chris Bukowski) then why not lay it all out on the table? Of course, he still has his ED clinic, and has recently been in some legal hot water over building misleading claims.

Hayley& Emily, Twins

Season: Ben Higgins

I will say that even though ” twins ” is not a real job, Haley and Emily might just be the closest thing to professional twins this world has ever seen. I entail, they were a package duo even on Paradise , and even tried to have a spin-off show that merely focused on them being completely incompetent at life. Most twins I know didn’t even want to attend the same college, so I guess I respect Haley and Emily leaning into their one strength.

Lucas, Whaboom

Season : Rachel Lindsay

Lucas, your dumb little catchphrase was an embarrassingly overt attempt to make sure you got your 15 minutes. Now, I get that all of these people must want their 15 minutes, or else they would go on a dating app and not a reality TV show, but Lucas didn’t do it very deftly. Frankly, I’m riled that the producers even humored him by casting him at all. The fun of watching The Bachelor is pretending that all these people are there for the right reasons and not to become Instagram influencers, even when we know they’re all going to become influencers anyway.

Kelly, Dog Lover

Season: Juan Pablo Galavis

Honestly, I’m a huge dog lover, so this is my dream job. Although it’s not exactly clear how one could make a living off of loving puppies, because if you could, every single person on Instagram in 2019 would be a millionaire. Kelly, tell us your secret! We could solve world hunger! If I had to guess, I’d say Kelly walks dogs sometimes and maybe even started an Instagram for her parents’ dog, and it has 700 adherents to date. Chase those dreams, daughter!

Kamil, Social Media Participant

Season: Becca Kufrin

Kamil, I hate to break it to you, but we’re ALL social media participants. You might as well have set” human man” as your job title. He is definitely the guy who has a passion for starting Twitter wars with strangers on the internet. Or maybe he was just getting a head start on his post- Bachelorette career, which doesn’t appear to have worked out too well for him.

I frankly don’t even understand the phase of dedicating the contestants task titles at all, considering half of them are fake and all of them just want to shill weight loss tea. But at least it dedicates us amusement and extra gasoline for our roasts.

Images: ABC( 15 )

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