46 Valentine’s Day Disaster Stories That Will Make You Want To Remain Single Forever

2. my puppy died from chocolate poisoning

My dog got into my Valentine’s Day chocolate that my girlfriend gave me, and later died from chocolate poisoning. I was 16, and had stupidly left the candy out.

3. my boyfriend broke up with me by text

Last Valentines Day, my boyfriend broke up with me by text. He messaged me that morning to tell me hed been cheating for our entire relationship.

4. my vajayjay must have been exposed to some kitty hair because it are beginning to swell up

My college boyfriend get his buddy to let us use his parents’ fancy New York apartment while they’re out of township. So we attain dinner, get naked and start rolling around on the floor. But this friend’s parents have cats and I’m horribly allergic to cats. So I’m sneezing and my eyes are tearing up, but I am determined to ignore it all and have the best sex of my life. THEN my vajayjay must have been exposed to some kitties hair because it starts to swell up. I mean truly Swell up. I’ve never seen anything like it before or since. Naturally, the V-day fun stopped there.

5. a card that had another girls name traversed out with mine written underneath

I once got a card that had another girls name crossed out with mine written underneath. Romantic.

6. I got a call from the county jail

The guy I’d been dating, Clay, was totally MIA on Valentine’s Day. At first I was worried, but after not hearing from him all day I started to get pissed. That night I got a call from the district incarcerate, asking me to accept a collect call from…Clay! He had stolen his mothers’ brand-new auto and they reported it to the police. Even though I have a thing for bad sons, I broke up that loser the next day.


I play rugby and my weight is required for protection and I also carry a lot of muscle. I was gobsmacked when I was presented with a slimming club membership from a date on Valentines Day. It took a lot of attempt not to tackle him to the ground and hurl him headfirst out of the door.


The first time meeting her she was extremely clingy and was already planning our bridal and how many children we’re having- and I had only known her for an hour. Being 18 I wasn’t ready for this and she was frightening me a lot, getting very preoccupied over me. She was devoting appears of abhorrence to everyone who looked at me who was female. Fortunately, after the dinner we went to get snacks from a corner store and I accidentally bought a chocolate bar with nuts in- me having a severe nut allergy. I was rushed to hospital where I virtually succumbed but the next day I was discharged and went to my mate’s, where he called her and said I succumbed. We’ve had no contact since.

9. he thrust his face into my cleavage

During the second date the man in question invited me to his house. After a semi-pleasant evening I was sitting on the sofa and he was sat on the floor and we were watching a film. Without encouragement or cautioning he launched himself at me and thrust his face into my cleavage. I screamed and jumped up only to leave him in a heap on the floor with blood gushing from his face. Turns out the wire had protruded from my bra and got caught under his chin!

10. another woman answered the phone

Valentines Day, I called my boyfriend at college to see if he got my flowers and another woman answered the phoneat 8AM.

11. it was a prank and everyone was laughing at me all along

In the 4th grade I had a huge crush on the more popular kid in class and everybody knew about it. Valentines Day approached and I procured a piece of paper with a describe of a girl labeled Aisha with hearts all around the page and his signature. I start carrying the card all over the school with a grin on my face merely to find out it was a prank and everyone was laughing at me all along. He then proceeded to ask my best friend to be his real Valentine. Terrible.

12. edible underwear and a small vibrator

I was a junior in high school and had been casually dating a guy for a few weeks. We weren’t serious and hadn’t run further than second base when Valentine’s Day rolled around. I don’t remember how the night started, but I do recollect being in his parked car when he gave me a gift. I opened a pouch stuffed with tissue paper to discover edible underwear and a small vibrator that fit over your finger. I took the edible underwear to school the next day, and my girlfriends and I had a good giggle after discovering how awful they tasted.

13. My spouse stimulated sure she got a present

On Valentine’s Day, I found out my husband was having an affair with one of my close girlfriends. Her spouse was the one who caught them and called to tell me as I was get my hair done. Even better…I had given her flowers earlier that day because she told me she was sad her husband wasn’t going to do anything for her. My spouse attained sure she got a present, though, so there was that.

14. didn’t come to my place until 3am, covered in body glitter and drunk

One ex went to a strip club for our first Vday together and didn’t come to my place until 3am, covered in body glitter and drunk and another “ve been given” cellulite cream and miscellaneous Xmas lotions and lip balm from Avon his mommy dedicated him. The only man who’s ever devoted me a nice valentine has always been my daddy!

15. I aimed up falling on my face three times

I took a girl ice skating but wasnt as good as I recollected. I got skates a size too big so I objective up falling on my face three times before she eventually suggested we go get some hot chocolate and feign like that never happened. How I didnt up with a bloody nose I will never know.

16. he proposed on the second dateat olive garden , no less

I was on a date with this guy, and we went to Olive Garden because I mean, hey, its Olive Garden. We went through the whole dinner. Everything was running great, you know. We were going to go see a movie. It was all going to be a good date and then dessert came. He was checking his phone and my dessert was set in front of me and there was an engagement ring on it. This was our second date. I grabbed my stuff, and I booked it to the bathroom, and then I only used to go the front door. I never came back because I was like, dude, who proposes on the second date? I dont even think he knew my last name.

17. He told me on the phone that he wanted a divorce

My worst Valentines Day ever was Feb. 14, 2002. I got a call while still at work..and it was my husband. He told me on the phone that he wanted a divorce and would be moving out that night. When I got home from run he was partially packed. He didnt move that night. We actually went to dinner with my parents and my children for the vacation and he moved out the next day. A Valentines Day I will never forget.

18. That night I insured him out with another woman

My worst Valentines Day ever was two years ago. I was dating a guy that Id been off and on with for three years. I bought him an expensive pool stick, a purse to go with it, ordered him a dozen rises, and paid to have a poem written for him. I had schemed the whole evening out already. He called me that morning and told me that he had too much going on in his life and didnt have time for a girlfriend. Especially a serious one. So I decided that I would go out with a friend to try not to think about it. That night I saw him out with another woman.

19. We broke up the next day

A new guy surprised me by scheming the perfect Valentine’s Day date: a romantic dinner followed by fireworks present on the beach. Everything was great until the check arrived. He asked me,” Should we divide it or do you just want to pay for your snack ?” After dinner we took a stroll on the pier. He bumped into a girl, who was obviously his ex-girlfriend, and after talking and chuckling for about 20 minutes without including me he eventually said,’ Oh sorry, this is my friend, Kat .’ We broke up the next day.

20. I virtually choked on my drink when our waiter arrived

After secretly dating two guys Dan and Joe for a few months, I told Joe I didn’t want a relationship, so that I could get serious with Dan. On Valentine’s Day, Dan took me out to dinner, and I nearly choked on my drink when our waiter arrived. It was Joe! To attain matters worse, Dan ordered a dish with bchamel sauce, which he loved. He gushed to the waiter, a.k.a. my ex,’ If she could cook like this I’d marry her .’ I wanted to die.

21. I pulled off Abe’s head and kicked that boy to the curb

After a long dry spell, I was psyched to ultimately have a new guy in my life so we could expend Valentine’s Day together. Call me corny, but I was hoping I’d get blooms or chocolate you know, what every girl wants! Instead, he gave me an old Abe Lincoln Bobblehead that looked like it came from the bottom of his closet. I frankly didn’t even know what to say, so I just mumbled “thank you.” After a few more bad dates, I pulled off Abe’s head and kicked that boy to the curb.

22. Krista spent the night with my guy!

My boyfriend Matt and I didn’t have any special plans for V-Day, so he decided to have a few friends over for an impromptu get-together. I was a little pissed that he invited Krista, a girl I suspected had a thing for him. I played it cool until afterwards that night, when he admitted that he had cheated on me with her a few months before. When I confronted her she denied it, but subsequently I heard her ask Matt,” Why did you tell her ?!” After a big blowout, I left the party and Krista expended the night with my guy!

23. a $200 bill and a bad, bad savour in my mouth

Runar and I met at a coffee shop with friends. At first sight, I got swoony. He had blond hair and muscles. Lots of muscles. The kind a guy gets from doing manly things like shoveling snow. He said I was beautiful. That usually works for me. By our third date Runar confided he was ricochetting around the idea that we should get married and have a couple of kids. At our three-month mark, Valentines Day rolled around. Off we went to an expensive French restaurant, candlelit and decorated with festive hearts and pink ribbons. During the main course he asked me if Id ever had sex without a condom. Sure, I said, believing everybody has at least once. I started to say it was a long time ago, but he was already in a road rage. His eyes flamed, he hurled his napkin on the table, knocked over his water glass, left it there and stood up. The chair made a horrible rubbing audio against the floor. Everybody turned and looked at us. He screamed,’ You put me at risk !’ Runar stormed out of the restaurant leaving me with a $200 bill and a bad, bad taste in my mouth.

24. my college boyfriend broke up with me

On my worst Valentine’s Day, my college boyfriend broke up with me. I deserved it but I didn’t see it that way. I staggered out of his apartment. It was coldthank you, Februaryand my hands were shaking. I couldn’t unlock my motorcycle, which was chained to a parking meter. I stood there, weeping, and finally a man with a beard and a wool cap stopped and unlocked the bike for me. He was my Valentine’s Day hero. Except then, of course, I had to ride home.


My mom recently sent me a package of stuff she’d saved from my elementary school days. In the package was a red envelope with a valentine inside from’ Your Secret Admirer .’ I opened it up, my heart beating. It said:’ I really like your handwriting.’

26. he’d shot himself in the leg

I met a guy in our local supermarket and we got talking. We arranged to meet up a few days later but he phoned me the night before and told me he’d shot himself in the leg and was in hospital so couldn’t make our date! I visited him in hospital and we did eventually get out on our date but we both agreed that it wouldn’t work and I never ensure him again.

27. twenty-something-year-old girl sleeping like a animal beside a pond of her own vomit

This happened years and years ago, but we went drinking on Valentine’s Day. I can’t really hold my alcohol but I kept drinking anyway. So how it objective was me and him stumbling out of a taxi at the carpark beneath his block, throwing up and me falling asleep right there at the carpark. Obviously don’t remember any of this, but image this: 20 -something-year-old girl sleeping like a animal beside a pool of her own puking. My then-boyfriend( now husband) could not wake me up no matter how hard he tried, and was too drunk to lift me. So he called his father down to carry me up.

28. yes, hed been cheating

One Valentines Day, there was a huge snowstorm. My boyfriend called to urge me to stay at work( where my boss was offering to people up in the nearby hotel) rather than hazard driving 35 miles home. But I had a special V-Day meal all prepped, and I insisted on going home. When I got there, I got stuck on the unplowed one-way road next to our apartment, and I called him to see if hed assistance excavate me out. His response was a very startled Where are you ?! I assured him I was safe and just outside. He hollered at me for risking it. And then I insured him sneaking out of a home a block away and it turned out that yes, hed been cheating. Worst part: he went back to her place after our discussion and spent the night there.

29. Please read: Very important

About a year and a half after a boyfriend broke up with me, after not hearing from him for all that time, an e-mail from him popped into my inbox on Valentines Day with the headline’ Please read: Very important .’ My heart jumped, as I began thinking that he had been missing me and had chosen this most significant day to convey his unhappines at aiming the relationship. But when I opened the e-mailit was a mass-mailing he had sent out, rallying is supportive of maintaining the Pledge of Allegiance in schools!

30. she told me that she was not ready for the love

Told my ex-girlfriend that I love her at evening of Valentine’s Day before kissing her goodbye. Got the pull away and she told me that she was not ready for the “love.” The night ended in silence, we broke up 3 weeks after that.

31. Caught my boyfriend texting his ex-girlfriend how he still loved her

Caught my boyfriend texting his ex-girlfriend how he still loved her, he was pointed directly to the door. No questions asked.

32. bloom mix-up

I had flowers delivered at work from my then boyfriend. The card read:’ Brandy, You have my heartHappy Valentine’s Day.Love always, Jay.’My name is Amanda.Come to find out local flower shop delivered her flowers to me and my flowers to her. But he filled out the cards, so in the end it was his own mix-up.

33. he sits bolt upright and punches me in the nose

I was a freshman in college and my boyfriend wanted a blowjob. Though Id done’ stuff’ before, I was still learning how to round the bases. A cool older girl offered a lot of advice about oral sex.’ Feign his junk is an ice-cream cone ,’ she said.’ Play with his balls .’ And also:’ Wake him up with a jolt job hell love it .’ I decided to proffer his first blowjob as a gift on Valentines Day. The night before V-Day I am so excited that I just lie there awake all night. Waiting for him to fall asleep. Waiting for him to stay asleep. Waiting for him to wake up. Eventually, as daylight transgress and he is stir, I go for it. Hes hard and get harder in mouth. He seems to be into it when all of a sudden he wakes up in shock and in one lightning-fast reflex sits bolt upright and punches me in the snout. Actually hard. Despite what porn may suggest, some men do not react well to being woken up to sexuality. So we go to the campus health center, where we spend the working day having my nose reset and explaining that it wasnt domestic violence. For dinner he takes me to Taco Bell, where we expend the snack arguing about whether I am a sexual predator. To this day I get really nervous initiating morning sexuality, so Ill sort of stare into his face while scratching his thigh until I end up in what, I am told, has become my signature sex move: hand jobs with weirdly intense eye contact. My nose is still bigger than it used to be.

34. There is nothing sadder than a flaccid hand job

I met a guy singing karaoke at a bar, and he texted something like Lets hang out on Friday. And I believed, What a bold move! Valentines Day first date, why not? So I met him at a bar during a snowstorm and objective up back at his place fairly early, perhaps 9 p. m. We walk in and his brother is super stoned on the couch, three seasons of Bones DVDs scattered around him, having a marathon. Okay. So we go into the kitchen and my date pulls out a bong that is, like, as tall I am. I dont smoke that much weed, but were there, so I smoke it and get so high that I cant watch straight, at which point he puts on a Cd of his own really bad folk-acoustic band. Its so loud, and Im so high, and finally I say, Lets go to the bedroom, only to get away from the music. So we start making out, mostly to kill time, because Im way too high to drive home. Then all of a sudden, he is completely naked. I am wholly clothed. I basically dismiss his nudity, which is easy because its a pretty limp situation. Hes on top of me when he gazes deep into my stoned eyes and says, I havent been able to keep it up since going on anti-psychotics after my psychotic transgres during an LSD trip. Im not kidding. I wonder whether a human like that should smoke so much weed, and devote his flaccid dick a hand job. There is nothing sadder than a flaccid hand job. It was laborious and mechanical. I listened to Bones the whole time. Then I lie there for 15 minutes, and though I’m still too high to drive, I pretend Im fine and go out to my vehicle to sober up alone in the freeze cold, because it’s better than the scene inside. I sat there in my vehicle, doing nothing, for half an hour. He still sends me Facebook invitations to see his band play.

35. two days after a drug overdose

My rock-bottom Valentines Day resulted two days after a drug overdose. To demonstrate I wasnt suicidal, I proved my doctor the dress Id purchased to wear on Valentines Day. My poor boyfriend brought roses during visitors hour on February 14, but roses were not allowed in our rooms( in case we whittled them into weapons? I never found out ), so I was only allowed to look at them through the glass of the nursing station.

36. alone and broke

I suppose[ my worst Valentines Day] would be buying non-refundable tickets to run find my boyfriend in Georgia. We’d been doing the long-distance thing for a while and I had plans to go visit him. And then, about a week after I bought the tickets, he just stopped talking to me. Forever. No response to my texts, never answered my bellows or emails. Nothing. So I spend my Valentine’s Day alone and transgressed because I had these tickets I couldn’t use.

37. When the door opened, it was some guy

I’d been dating a girl for awhile and wanted to surprise her with a balloon and flowers. I expended all day attaining the elaborated schemes and getting everything I required. I kept trying to call her all day, and she didn’t pick up. I didn’t think much about it, perhaps I should have…Anyway, I get everything loaded and I head over to her apartment. I considered her vehicle and the light was on. So I got the stuff and knocked on her doorway. When the door opened, it was some guy, and she in the back saying,’ Who is it ?’ Shocked, I speedily made up some lie that I had a delivery for some fictitious name and must have gotten the wrong address I drove away. I spent the rest of the night at a park, sitting in my auto and listening to a ball game on the radio , not really reacting or anything. The balloons and flowers remained in the back seat of my auto until the flowers succumbed and the balloons deflated. I never talked to the girl again.

38. I think this is going to be it for us

I had been dating this guy on and off for about four years. We had a history of having genuinely unfortunate Valentines Days. I was usually at school and we missed the chance to hang out or we objective up fighting about how I couldn’t break away from school to come home for the event. Ultimately during my senior year of college, Valentines’ Day fell on a Saturday so I went home. I had expended the week picking out a perfect gift and even paid extra to have it shipped to me on time. I attained the hour and a half drive home to expend the weekend with him. We had a pretty good day, relax, and at the end of the night he walked me out to my vehicle so I could drive back to school. I had just gotten in my vehicle and Derek was leaning on the door to say good bye-bye. I was just about to say that I’d had a great time when he said Well, I wanted us to finally have a good Valentines Day, and we did. But I think this is going to be it for us, and then he shut my car door.

39. my husband went out for a pack of cigarettes and never returned

My husband, a professional athlete from Sydney, Australia, and I were married in September 2006 and we lived in NYC. In the summer of 2007, I gave birth to our son, Chille. He had a heart defect and endured two open heart surgeries before he was 8 months old. We lived in the ICU for months on end. On Valentine’s Day, 2008 my son was in the Emergency room, hanging on for dear life and in critical condition. My husband was out of town for a business journey and was returning on Valentine’s Day. I had no cell phone reception and only left a message telling him that when he returned, to please merely rush in to the hospital, that they were acknowledging our son to the ICU. Before our son was transferred, I stepped outside to check to see if he had called, if he was back in township, yet. There was one message on my phone. It was from my husband. He message said Listen carefully. I’m in Sydney. I can’t take it anymore. When I returned to our apartment subsequently that day to take a shower and get some fresh clothes for the hospital, I assured just what I can’t take it anymore meant. Every trace of him was gone, every drawer emptied, and every bank account, including our son’s $30,000 college fund was drained. I learned he stopped paying the rent and I had no money and a newborn in critical condition laying in the children’s hospital. On Valentine’s Day, my husband used to go for a pack of cigarettes and never returned. Merely he didn’t smoke and apparently the pack was in Australia. Oh yeah, and one last thing. My birthday is February 15.

40. seven pounds of cream cheese

I was supposed to see a guy I had just started dating. I baked his favorite dessertcheesecake with, like, seven pounds of cream cheese. He DUMPED me on Valentine’s Day. I took the cheesecake to work lest I eat it myself to drown my regret and on the way there I was in a vile collision. They had to cut a pit in the roof of the car to get me out. I was mostly out of it, but asked the ambulance guy on a date and offered him my cheesecake which was now full of broken glass and smeared all over the backseat. For some reason he said no.

41. I expended it in the bathroom of my hotel room crying

I once saved all my fund to fly from Los Angeles to Vancouver to consider a human I was in love with. On the plane, I brought with me a boom box, a CD mix with all romantic songs on it, candles and incense. Once I got to Vancouver, I set up the hotel room in a beautiful style with all of the things I brought. The man then demonstrated up two hours late with another woman! He afterwards told me he thought we were’ merely friends with benefits .’ All this, after 10 years of being devotees off and on. It was the worst Valentine’s Day of my life. I spent it in the bathroom of my hotel room screaming. I couldn’t get back on that airplane to LA fast enough. To this day, I refuse to go to Vancouver.

42. he was only pulling a prank on me

One time, in secondary school, my greatest crush asked me to be his girlfriend. After that, I started sending him cute glitter texts saying how much I loved him and missed him. A few days later, right before Valentine’s Day, he told my best friend to tell me he was only pulling a prank on me because he wanted to see what would happen. Life sucked.

43. a very awkward moment

I had a very awkward moment when I slipped an anonymous Valentine to my crush George and he depicted it to everyone in the class. They all distinguished my handwriting so they knew it was from me. I tried to front like it wasn’t really from me but that I had written it for a friend. No one bought it, of course.

44. stood up by a mystery admirer

I was sitting in history class on Valentine’s Day when I got a weird text from a number I didn’t recognise asking me to be their Valentine. I had no clues who it was, so I asked. He said we had met before, but didn’t give me any more details. After hours of texting backward and forward, I was dying to know who my secret supporter was. I agreed to meet up for a blind date at a coffee shop, but took a ton of safety precautions( including telling all my friends where I was going and letting the barista know I was on a blind date ). I got to the coffee shop and was so excited. Time ticked by. A half hour later, I realized I had been stood up … on Valentine’s Day … and I didn’t even know by whom. The next week, the same anonymous number teased me about get stood up. The whole experience was such a bummer.

45. I burned my present to a crisp

One year, my husband thought he was being really clever by concealing my present in the oven. It would have been a nice surprise had he not forgotten to tell me before I started cooking breakfast, burning it to a crisp.

46. picking out bits of bread roll from my teeth

It was my first date wearing braces( the chunky metal-train-track-kind) and I acknowledge I was a bit nervous especially as we were going out for dinner. My date insisted we went to a burger restaurant and “re trying” of those mighty challenge ones stacked with onion rings, cheese and everything you can imagine. A massive burger was the worst possible thing to feed with my new develop ways and there I was trying to eat gracefully but picking out bits of bread roll from my teeth. I tried using a knife and fork to tackle the rest of it but failed miserably. I couldn’t face him again after that date.

Read more:

This Is How You Find Out How Strong Your Heart Really Is

I have become one of those people. You know. Those people that talk about things like Those people that talk about and have a skips in their step. Those people who seem like “theyre on” cloud nine all the fucking time. You know those people.

Those people are vexing. A volcano could be erupting 100 feet away, but it wouldnt fazed them because nothing could ruin their world. Those people are beaming from ear to ear. They are always happy and bad days dont come very often. And, if you asked me six months ago I would probably tell you that those people cannot be happy. That it was fake happiness, that they were hiding something. But, I guess I now know their secret.

Those people. Those annoyingly happy, joyful, and optimist people are probably just simply falling in love

You find, I have begun to understand that I am a hopeless romantic. It just used to be super confusing because I was trying to fall in love with the incorrect gender, and it was nearly impossible. But , now that I have accepted myself, learned to not only live with it but also love it, it induces it easier to open myself up to falling in love and being loved. Now, I use the word easy loosely because it is also scaring. Being vulnerable isnt easy at all . I dont know many people who find convenience in the possibility of getting hurt.

And, again, if you were to ask me six months ago I would tell you that the possibility of getting hurt was no longer a potential for me. I would have told you Ive been there, done that. That no one, and I entail no one could ever hurt me again. I would have told you this because getting my heartbroken induced me feel like I was going to die. I know that sounds dramatic, but it is exactly how I felt. Its as if my body was shutting down, and I used to look up articles entitled and when I was confused why with heartache came weakness, weight loss, and the inability to move from my bed. And, as I get over that heartbreak I promised myself that no matter what, I would never feel that ache ever again. Plus, I was unsure if my heart would be onboard when it came to opening up to a new person let alone the possibility of ever falling in love again.

But, what I have learned in these last virtually the last two months is that the heart is a badass . The heart is going to do what the heart wants to do. If the heart wants to start falling in love, the heart is going to do it, and it is really hard to stop or intermission that process. And, its not that I actually to stop or pause the process of falling in love but sometimes okay lets be honest more than sometimes, its scares the shit out of me. Yes, I took an entire year to work on myself, be okay with being lesbian and liking daughters, and owning this part of me, so much more of my happiness comes from self-acceptance, but it always scares me when certain aspects of happiness can be tied to another human being. It scares me, but it also excites me and provides me with so much exhilaration and happiness my heart is honestly overwhelmed .

And, when I tell overwhelmedI dont entail it in a bad way. I mean it in a way that I truly feel that what I am in the process of establishing is precious. So precious, and so sometimes I get nervous about losing it. And, I tell myself not to be scaredthat sometimes things are just thatgreat.

Sometimes precious and fragile things dont break. Sometimes things dont have to end poorly or even at all.

And, obviously I cant predict the future, so I dont know what will happen as much as I wish I did , but there are several things I know for sure

She makes me smile. She makes me laugh. She pacified me down without even saying anything.

She makes me believe in this crazy thing called love.

She is stunning on the outside but even more beautiful on the inside. Two people can attain no sense on paper, but make all the sense in the world together. I now know what Derrick Shepard on mean where reference is told Meredith Grey that she made him feel like he was coming up for fresh air or something very corny like that. And last but definitely not least, even though yes, I cannot predict the future, one thing I know for sure is that is worth the ride.

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5 Real Sex Stories That Will Make You Genuinely Horny( Part VI)

Read the original batch of real sexuality tales here, the second saucy installment here, the third here, the fourth here, and the fifth here.

1. When a college girl thirsts for her mamas new man.

” I was back from schoolfor winter transgres when I satisfied my mamas new boyfriend for the first time. My mothers divorced when I was five, so it wasnt like it was traumatic or anything to meet the guy. I didnt expect him to be so damn hot, though. Hes a personal trainer, and fit as hellsix-pack-abs-and-ripped-arms fit, like you are presented in ads for weight loss supplements andgym memberships. When herang the doorbell one night around 6pm looking formy mom, who was out at the time, I decided to playhostess in my comfy but clingy sweats. I invited him inside and poured us each a glass ofwine.

Two hours later, “were in” two bottles deep andneither of us hadheard frommy mother. I attained the first move, touching his knee and then sliding my hand up his inner thigh. When I got to his crotch, he leaned backand told,’ Fuck it !’ Then he stood up.I stand up too, on the seat of thecouch. Then I jumped into his arms, legs wrapped tightly around his waist andimpressively firm ass. His dick felt so good poking through his pants, rubbing up against my vagina, I knew I couldorgasm from dry humping him just like that. But I wantedhiminside me, so I reached down and grabbed it. We fuckedfastin the laundry room, where we had a view of the driveway in case my mom is coming. Most ofour clothes were still on, andwe powered up the washer so it wouldvibratebeneathmeas he pumped and pumped, deeper and deeper. It was the dirtiest thing Ive ever done, andI’d do it again .”

2. Seven minutes in high school heaven.

” Last year, as a junior in high school, I was at a house party in my buddy atticwhile his mothers were out of town. We were all boozing, downing whatever beer or liquor we could skim off ourparentswhenthisgirl stopped the music suddenly and announced that it was time to play Seven Minute In Heaven. Sounds lame, perhaps, but there’s not much to do in the burbs. I got tossed in the closet with this average looking girlbut I was okay with it sinceshe had above median tits.

When she explained that she’d never dedicated head before, but wanted to try, I was patently psyched. I unbuttoned my pants and sat down on thecarpeted floor and she approached my erecting with equal partsfascinationand aspiration. Shestarted massaging my balls and licking my cock like she wanted it. I swear she mustve watched some Jenna Jameson tutorials online or something because she had abilities, human. I couldn’t believe itwas the first blowjob shed ever dedicated. WhenI came, she swallowed it all up like it wasthe bestvanilla milkshake she’d ever had. Then she wiped her mouth withherwrist, and whispered,’ I’ll be waiting in theguest room after this. Come fuck me when you’re ready .’ If only it were alwaysthat simple .”

3. When gal pal sexting goes to the next level.

” Ive never sexted a guy, like, ever, because my mothers used to hammerme nonstopwith tales aboutgirls whose reputations weretotally ruined by naked photo scandals. Thing is, Im addicted to frexting, which is essentially sexting, except you do it witha trusted girlfriend who’s style less likely toshareyour career compromising photos witha thousand of herclosest friends. I love sending my bestiessexy pics and waiting to see how they respond. Ill get a little stoned and put onmy best cleavage-ybra and a matching thong or maybe a silk camisole and son shorts and sprawl out on my futon and snap til I get a shot worth sending. Then Icaption it with somethingfunny and flirtatiousand wait for my friend to one-up me.

What I never suspected is that things would ever escalate from there. But theother night, instead of hitting me back with a frext, one of mybest friendsbarged rightinto my dorm room, grabbed my ass, and started tonguing me. I writhed in shock for approximately three-point-five seconds before melting into her rough but tender espouse. Id never experimentedwith a girl and it was weird at certain points, like when our boobs grazed for the first time, butweird in a hot style. When she inchedher headdown between my legs, I was more nervous than I’ve ever been during oral sex. But I relax as soon as I realized how amazingit is to be eatenout by someone who understandsvaginasfirsthand. I returned the favor, of course, and I can frankly tell I like licking pussy more than sucking dick. I dont believe Im bisexual, exactly, butwho knows !”

4. Long lost hook-up buddies satisfy( and fuck) again.

” The other day I was on Facebook cyberstalking all the women Ive ever slept with because my wife and I divided a month ago and Im pretty psyched to be back on the market, free to fuck whoever I want without any guilt. Tinders great, but sometimes I ache for something a bit more familiar. So I messaged this girl I havent seenclothed or nakedin at least ten years, and she hit me back instantly. Turns out she split from her husband a few months back and she was craving some actiontoo.

Thatsame afternoon, I went over to her placewhileher child was napping. She answered the door with two shots of tequila in handso we could toast our reunion. Then shehugged me, pressing her breasts into my chest, andnodded towards the couch. Without missing a beat, Iscooped her up into my limbs and started nibbling on her neck, remembering with each taste of her flesh how great shed been at dirty talking in our twenties. We fucked in the living room, her on top, flicking her own teats like a pro as she rode me, whispering all sorts of sexy shit in that seductive voice of hers. Fifteen minutes after we both came, she wanted it again, so I gave it to herin the kitchen, from behind this time. After round two, we sipped coffeetogether nakedat her dining tableandscheduled anothermeet-up forthe following week. Im get hard just thinking about banging her again .”

5. A genuinely trippy romp in the grass.

” Im not into drugs, but when the guy Id been crushing on for ages asked me to shroom with him second semester senior year, I couldnt say no to a psychedelic experience with the dude of my steamy college dreamings. The magic mushrooms were actually rolled into small chocolates, so they seemed pretty innocent, and they werent hard to belly. After we eat them, we strolled to this remote corner of campus with a cooler of beers and some chips to snack on.

By the time we started tripping marriage finished a six-pack, so we were good and buzzed. Westripped, clumsily, down to our underwear and rolled around in the grass chuckling our faces off for what seemed like an hour before he ultimately attained hismove. When he touched me, it was like a thousand male hands were caressing my flesh all over at once. I felt him massaging my pussy, breasts, neck, and thighs simultaneously. It didnt matter that I was hallucinating. It wasincrediblysexy. I orgasmed three times, seizing with pleasure throughoutevery climax. I didn’t even know I was capable of be thought that unbelievable .”

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