This Is How You Find Out How Strong Your Heart Really Is

I have become one of those people. You know. Those people that talk about things like Those people that talk about and have a skips in their step. Those people who seem like “theyre on” cloud nine all the fucking time. You know those people.

Those people are vexing. A volcano could be erupting 100 feet away, but it wouldnt fazed them because nothing could ruin their world. Those people are beaming from ear to ear. They are always happy and bad days dont come very often. And, if you asked me six months ago I would probably tell you that those people cannot be happy. That it was fake happiness, that they were hiding something. But, I guess I now know their secret.

Those people. Those annoyingly happy, joyful, and optimist people are probably just simply falling in love

You find, I have begun to understand that I am a hopeless romantic. It just used to be super confusing because I was trying to fall in love with the incorrect gender, and it was nearly impossible. But , now that I have accepted myself, learned to not only live with it but also love it, it induces it easier to open myself up to falling in love and being loved. Now, I use the word easy loosely because it is also scaring. Being vulnerable isnt easy at all . I dont know many people who find convenience in the possibility of getting hurt.

And, again, if you were to ask me six months ago I would tell you that the possibility of getting hurt was no longer a potential for me. I would have told you Ive been there, done that. That no one, and I entail no one could ever hurt me again. I would have told you this because getting my heartbroken induced me feel like I was going to die. I know that sounds dramatic, but it is exactly how I felt. Its as if my body was shutting down, and I used to look up articles entitled and when I was confused why with heartache came weakness, weight loss, and the inability to move from my bed. And, as I get over that heartbreak I promised myself that no matter what, I would never feel that ache ever again. Plus, I was unsure if my heart would be onboard when it came to opening up to a new person let alone the possibility of ever falling in love again.

But, what I have learned in these last virtually the last two months is that the heart is a badass . The heart is going to do what the heart wants to do. If the heart wants to start falling in love, the heart is going to do it, and it is really hard to stop or intermission that process. And, its not that I actually to stop or pause the process of falling in love but sometimes okay lets be honest more than sometimes, its scares the shit out of me. Yes, I took an entire year to work on myself, be okay with being lesbian and liking daughters, and owning this part of me, so much more of my happiness comes from self-acceptance, but it always scares me when certain aspects of happiness can be tied to another human being. It scares me, but it also excites me and provides me with so much exhilaration and happiness my heart is honestly overwhelmed .

And, when I tell overwhelmedI dont entail it in a bad way. I mean it in a way that I truly feel that what I am in the process of establishing is precious. So precious, and so sometimes I get nervous about losing it. And, I tell myself not to be scaredthat sometimes things are just thatgreat.

Sometimes precious and fragile things dont break. Sometimes things dont have to end poorly or even at all.

And, obviously I cant predict the future, so I dont know what will happen as much as I wish I did , but there are several things I know for sure

She makes me smile. She makes me laugh. She pacified me down without even saying anything.

She makes me believe in this crazy thing called love.

She is stunning on the outside but even more beautiful on the inside. Two people can attain no sense on paper, but make all the sense in the world together. I now know what Derrick Shepard on mean where reference is told Meredith Grey that she made him feel like he was coming up for fresh air or something very corny like that. And last but definitely not least, even though yes, I cannot predict the future, one thing I know for sure is that is worth the ride.

Read more:

Zoe Kazan on Fighting Donald Trump, Living With Anorexia, and Her Relationship With Paul Dano

Kazan, winning rave reviews for her role in Love, Love, Love, is also fighting the president-elect’s bigotry, combining acting and writing, and speaking up about her eating disorder.

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The pun is truly unintended. Shes very thorny, I said to Zoe Kazan about Rose, the character she is playing in Mike Bartletts acclaimed play, Love, Love, Love, at New Yorks Laura Pels Theatre.

Bartletts brilliant comedy-drama follows a British familyin which Kazan plays the daughterthrough 40 -plus years of big and small history, and the big and small hurts that shape it, informed by the political and cultural cross-currents of intervening eras.

The gloriously familiar pop music between acts will gladden any music fans heart, while the baby boomer generation, and the Gen-Xers they birthed, are both celebrated and mercilessly satirized.

On stage, the 33 -year-old Kazanwhom I gratified backstage on a recent weekday evening, before a performanceskillfully exemplifies an all-too believable stroppy, anguished tangle of teenage energy, whose selfish, lackadaisical mothers cannot insure the harm they are doing to her and to themselves.

Rose, who we both laugh at and feel for, comes to be a moral fulcrum for the craziness she grows up around, her eventual maturity seeming careworn rather than warm.

Kazans English accent is impressive, and she says that Bartlett helped in rehearsals by asking her to set more embarrassment into her body when I was youngthat was all I needed, the key. Later she becomes more at ease with herself. She is very forthright. She isnt doing a lot of mitigating behavior to get her style, she is not playing sweet. She doesnt have game.

Although Kazan has appeared in mainstream fare like Its Complicated, she is best known for roles in indie movies, including The Savages, Meeks Cutoff, and Ruby Sparks, which she wrote the screenplay for, leading to two prestigious awarding nominations.

Its just what happened, she told of the indie road her film career has taken thus far. It was what was available to me, and the roles that were really interesting to me. There are fewer cinemas made at a studio level I like than were stimulated 15 years ago.

Most recently, Kazan has been notable on social media for her criticism of Donald Trump, and for writing a piece in The New York Times, in which she eloquently wrote about her experience of suffering from anorexia around the age of 18.

The causes for my eating disorder operated along the usual lines: depression, an inability to express my fury, a desire to exert control, a desire to feel less, a desire to have my body express the things my voice could not, Kazan wrote. That, and I had gotten in the habit of believing it was better to take up less space.

The wry tone and plainspoken honesty evident in her article and on her Twitter account is also refreshingly evident when we met.

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