My most recent relationship ended after a little over a year, so for me, I am promptly approaching that mark. But our unofficial relationship dates back years. So do I get more period?
How long does it actually take to get over someone?
According to Drake, it takes forever because~ you never truly stop loving someone ~. You either never did, or always will.
Am I over my relationship? Have I TRULY moved on? I cant actually answer that.
But it has been half a year since Ive been in it, and Id like to reflect on some of the changes that have happened in this time.
1. Overall Mood
I missed this Marissa, said an old college friend of mine when she came to visit me during my breakup. I supposed, Um what does that even entail? Ive always been this Marissa .
Or had I?
Relationships change you. Sometimes for the very best, but unfortunately, sometimes for the worse.
When I look back on our relationship, however, I realize he changed me in ways that werent so good for me.
I am a fairly outgoing, happy person overall, but I never felt good enough for my boyfriend. He often built me doubt myself, instead of lifting me up.
Spoiler alert: this is the complete opposite of what a boyfriend should be doing.
I constantly questioned his intentions, but this was beyond trust issues. What I entail by this is I was always asking, Does he really love me? Why hasnt he texted me today? Am I good enough for him ?
I had been in a previous relationship where I had no doubt of my partners feelings because we were very open with each other.
My most recent boyfriend, however, never had been in a serious relationship. This hurt us a lot.
I felt like I couldnt talk to him about how I was feeling, literally ever. I wasnt myself. I was always sad, and always trying to hide that sadness. I knew it, and so did those closest to me.
When we broke up, a slight weight was lifted off my shoulders.
I missed him; I was sad; I screamed( a lot ). I still feel these things from time to time, but guess what? I am good enough.
I dont doubt myself or feel obligated to prove my worth to anyone. Im always only doin me( love you, Drizzy ).
And I place the blamed on me( partially) for letting myself be with a person who stimulated “i m feeling” anything less than amazing, for not speaking up every time I should of and for letting someone elses actions hindermy own.
I hate to say the word dumped because I knew the end of the relationship was coming. He merely had the guts to pull the trigger first.
However, get dumped actually BOOSTED my confidence. I never wanted to admit it, but my boyfriend basically attained me more self-conscious than beautiful and loved.
I cant remember the nicest thing he ever said to me. Quite frankly, he was a man of few kind words. I received the good morning, beautiful text messages whenever he knew he fuckedup.
He never praised my appearance, outfits or body.
One night around the holidays, I attended a run event of his. Its important to note that I am the polar opposite of a girly daughter. And I may not be a sizing 0, Instagram model, trendy chick, but I think of myself as attractive( not to mention, awesome AF) young woman.
I had received one of those in-store Sephora makeovers as a gift for Christmas. I guessed this was a great route to get someone else to do the run, and my guy would be able to show me off to all his co-workers.
When he saw me that night, the first thing he ejaculated out was WHOA thats a little bit much. Bruh
In all, my ex just wasnt good at building me feel good.
I dont know ifit was his lack of finding the right words and the right moment, or if he just really didnt suppose much of me, but I dont care anymore.
And even though I wasnt genuinely interested in literally any of these new guys, the newfound attention helped me get back on my pony and remember that Im a bomb ass catch.
3. My Body And Fitness Commitment
No, I didnt drop 20 poundsto spite my ex and indicate him what hes missing.
Yes, there was a short period of time where I had no appetite because of the horrible sadness and grief, and I dropped weight rapidly. But that also ended quickly because, well, food is amazing and pizza exists.
However, binge eating while watching Netflix on a Friday night in just isnt as much fun( or socially acceptable, unfortunately) to do alone.
Currently, Im training for a half marathon. I run at least 5 miles a day.
This all definitely aided my newfound self-confidence, except the best part is that it isnt to get him back. Its because I appear AND feel better.
When youre in a relationship, its very easy to loose sight of your priorities.
You want to spend all of your time with this person. You forget there are other people whocare about you, and who you are care about, as well.
I like to think I did a fairly decent chore at balancing my friends and my boyfriend, but when it came down to it, I was guilty of more often than not picking him over them. It was comfortable, safe and easy to spend all of my period with him.
Lucky for me, I hadnt injury my friendshipstoo much while in my relationship. When the relationship aimed, I always wanted to be doing something to distract myself.
I wanted to go out more, meet new people and just have fun. I was always constructing plans with friends, texting them more and overall, I was being a better friend.
It was only after becoming single again that my eyes were opened to how truly injury a significant other can be to relationships if you arent careful.
I was thankful that my friends were there for me because, when it comes down to it, hoes before bros. Always.
5. My Strength
I forgot to mention the proportion where my boyfriend left me while we were living in a city four hours away from my hometown, closest friends and family.
I had no idea how I was going to survive in that place alone. I could count on one hand how many people I felt like I could rely on where I lived. I had no choice but to get my shit together.
I didnt have time to feel sorry for myself. I didnt let my world disintegrate just because he was no longer in it.
The quote you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have is a bit dramatic for my situation, but it applies.
Because when the time came to be strong, it really wasnt so hard.
It might havehelped that while we were together, I was already conditioned into scarcely being able to rely on him emotionally.
Yeah, I was lonely from time to time. I suffered many anxiety and panic attack, butI handled it. I set my big daughter gasps on, and I survived.
6. My expectations for future relationships
People come into your life as a lesson or a blessin. And I have definitely learned my lesson.
Settling is actually bullshit.
Why ever settle for someone median, when you could be getting extraordinary?
I genuinely dont know what I was supposing. I would never get back into a relationship like the one I was in under those circumstances.
So, why did I hold onto a person who was doing me more damage than good for so long? Probably( definitely) because he was truly my best friend.
In fact, we were best friend for years before we dated. But I will build new friends, and I will satisfy new lovers.
Maybe we wont have the same stupid sense of humor or savor in music. Perhaps no one will ever be as compatible for me as my ex once was. But at least they wont make me feel belittled.
Maybe they will actually be proud to call me theirs; perhaps theyll surprise me with flowers here and there and be a caring romantic. Who knows, but Im hoping I find out soon.
I guess themoral of my tale is that whether or not you have moved on from a past relationship, and despite how much period has passed, I bet you something good has come from this time you have been apart.
You merely need to figure out what that is, and use it.
We all hold to the notion that we must achieve something great in life. And candidly, we should. Life would be worthless if we sat around doing nothing at all to make a difference in the place we have been blessed to occupy.
But sometimes, in our attempt to achieve, we place too many expectations on ourselves and fail in our pursuing. We permit our expectations to set us up for disappointment.
Most of these expectations are self-imposed, thus leaving us with the choice to carry them as weights or release ourselves from their chains.
Imagination can be a dangerous thing. When we stop imagining ourselves to be who we are not, we make room to learn, grow and achieve.
Here are six things to stop expecting from yourself so you can move forward in life 😛 TAGEND
1. Stop expecting yourself to be perfect.
Perfection the perfect house, the perfect marriage, the perfect career, the perfect school, the perfect exercise routine, the perfect meals, the perfect weight, the perfect cause and the perfect you it seriously does not exist.
You are the way you are for a reason. While you should improve in areas you have control over, there are just some things you cannot change. The pressure to be perfect destroys self-esteem and ruins confidence.
2. Stop expecting yourself to operate the world.
No matter how great you think you are, you will never be able to be in charge of the universe. Beyonc might be a queen who can run her own kingdom, but even she cant run the whole world.
You are responsible for the life you live , not how other people choose to live “peoples lives”. Running ones self and ones own micro world is enough work to keep anybody busy.
3. Stop expecting brilliant behavior from other people.
But lets merely be honest: Ordinarily, this isnt how people behave. And when they dont, it is our responsibility to not let our disappointment and fury get the best of us.
You cannot control the behavior of other people. You can only control the behavior you are interested in display.
4. Stop expecting success the first time around.
We have morphed into a society of impatient and vacated spirits who quit the first time something doesnt go well. The key to mastering anything is to fail at it dozens of days before getting it right.
Stop supposing everything you touch will magically turn into gold. It may turn into dust first, and then, after several tries, out pops gold.
If things worked out the first time around , nobody would have any problems and all of the worlds problems would be solved. But they dont, so you must keep trying.
5. Stop expecting excuses to save your life.
You know, we can give some really great, legitimate excuses when we want to. And some people will actually believe us and even sympathize with us. But heres the bargain: Excuses will never save your life.
Most days in fact, all the time if you dont do the run , nothing is going to happen.
6. Stop expecting yourself to be powerful.
We all want to be supermen and superwomen, juggling hundreds of thousands of different things perfectly in our brains without transgressing a sweat. Were the best at everything, and we always attain things happen. Thats the dream.
Well, that dream is not true.
You are sometimes weak and faulty , not because youre a bad person, but because youre human. Stop trying to impress yourself, and surely forget about impressing other people. Do the best you can, and it will all work out.
A version of this post was previously published on the authors personal blog . Subscribe to Elite Daily’s officer newsletter, The Edge, for more stories you don’t want to miss .